Forgotten
by LoveandLearn
Summary: An accident leaves Derek Shepherd unable to recall the last 16 years of life. And when he remembers, life will be far from the fantasy he believed it was.
1. Chapter 1

During her ten day trip to Seattle for a case, Addison had grown accustomed to being alone. She spent her whole day dealing with people who hated her and when she got home (or rather, to her hotel) Addison was alone with no one to provide any sort of comfort to help get her through the coming day. She got used to sitting in the cafeteria alone, during lunch she'd read a magazine or a medical journal just to take her attention away from that fact. But every now and then she'd look up from an article and see her husband sitting all the way on the other side of the cafeteria with his new girlfriend. She knew she had it coming, she had no right to be hurt or upset and yet she was. There was an unexplainable dull ache in her heart, she knew she lost him and she deserved the way she was being treated.

"Derek." she called out when she saw him in the lobby heading out. She ran a little to catch up with him and when he didn't stop, she reached out to grab his arm. "I just need ten seconds." she pleaded.

"What?" he asked impatiently. "I have plans and I'm running late. I'm meeting someone for dinner."

Addison reached into her briefcase and pulled out a manilla envelope. "Divorce papers." she explained as she held it out to him. "I had my lawyer send it over to your lawyer, they've hashed it out and made all changes they felt were needed. I've already signed them, I honestly don't care about who gets what. If you're okay with everything, just sign them and FedEx them back to me, I'll file. If you wanna change anything, go for it. Like I said, I don't really care."

"FedEx them to you? Why can't I just give them to you in a day or two?" Derek asked.

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning." she explained simply. "I have to get back home. I've got a lot of people waiting for me to get back, lots to do."

"Is Mark waiting for you and is that what you have to 'do'?" Derek asked spitefully.

Addison did her best to ignore the comment. "My patients are waiting for me. I have to reschedule all the appointments I missed and I have to put the Brownstone on the market so we can split the money. I have to pack up all your stuff and get it shipped out to you and move out my stuff."

"Don't bother sending me my stuff. I'm not the same person anymore. I don't need any of that stuff."

"Okay." Addison murmured, looking down at her shoes to blink away the tears. She looked up at him again and forced a convincing smile onto her face to hide the pain. "Let me know if you think of anything specific you want. Pictures or textbooks or something."

"Why would I want any of our pictures?" Derek asked, giving her an annoyed look.

"I never said you would want our pictures, Derek." she snapped back defensively, unable to restrain herself after so many hurtful comments. "Pictures of your family, you know, nieces, nephews. The album full of pictures of your childhood..."

"Oh..." Derek murmured, considering his options for a second. "Can you send those to my mom? I don't have space for them in the trailer but once I find something more permanent I'll get them from her."

Addison nodded. "Let me know if you think of anything else in the next couple days." she said.

"I have to go." Derek reminded her and starting moving toward the exit. Right before walking out, he turned back to her and said, "Just in case I don't see you tomorrow, have a safe trip back home."

* * *

Over his two months in Seattle, Derek had visited The Emerald City bar many times after work. It was a short walk across the street, and Derek often looked forward to that time to himself to walk there after a long day at work. This particular night was different because as he walked across the parking lot be knew someone was behind him. His heart started beating faster as he turned to confirm his theory and was instantly met with a gun in his face.

"Wallet." the masked man demanded as he reached out to grab the suit case in Derek's hand.

Derek didn't bother fighting for the briefcase. His laptop was in it but that was the least of his worries. He thoughtlessly reached into his back pocket and retrieved a black leather wallet. He held it out to the man without a fight. That's when the man's eye cause an unmistakable shine under Derek's thick, long sleeved coat.

"Gimme the watch."

"What?" Derek's voice croaked at the words, his breath hitching in his throat with memories of his father's death lingering in his mind.

"Gimme the watch!" the statement was clearly repeated.

_"Addison." Derek murmured when he unwrapped a small box to reveal an elegant blank box with the word Cartier written across the top in silver. He popped the box open and stared at the solid platinum watch inside._

_"You like it?" she asked, the excitement evident in her voice. It was the morning of their medical school graduation and she had been waiting impatiently to present him with his gift. "Every doctor needs a good watch." she explained with the brightest smile he'd ever seen on her face. "We are probably going to be killing a lot of people during our intern year. Wouldn't want to call Time of Death incorrectly, would we?" she asked rhetorically._

_"I love it." he answered, reaching into the pocket of his suit to retrieve a smaller box than what she had given him._

_She quickly unwrapped the Tiffany Blue wrapping to reveal a signature Tiffany's and Co box which she proceeded to open only to discover a ring box. She looked up at Derek in shock she she popped the box open. "Derek." he voice caught in her throat as she stared down at the ring._

_"Every man needs an incredible woman like you by his side forever." he said, twisting around her statement from just a few seconds earlier. "Will you marry me and stay by my side forever?"_

_She skipped the answer and went straight for a high pitched squeal before jumping into his arms from excitement._

_"I'm going to take that as a yes." Derek chuckled as he carefully placed her back on her feet. "Or you just get super excited when you break people's hearts." he added teasingly._

_"It's ironic, right?" she said later that night as she curled up against him with her head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat._

_"What's ironic?"_

_"That I bought you a watch and you bought me a ring."_

_Derek gave her a confused look. "Why is that ironic?"_

_"Because, the ring is a symbol of our relationship, a promise for a future together and the watch symbolizes time. It symbolizes days and hours that are to come and an infinite number of possibilities comes that comes with that future."_

_"That sounds kind of romantic when you put it that way." Derek mumbled, a somewhat goofy grin growing on his face as he let her words sink in . A future together, an infinite number of possibilities for their life together. "Or it could be a coincidence."_

_She promptly elbowed him in the gut. "It's not a coincidence. It's a sign that this is meant to be, you and me, forever. Until death does us part."_

_"Since when you believe in signs?"_

_"Since I gave you a watch and you gave me a ring." she replied with her perfect smile that would always make his heart start beating just a little bit faster. _

"Give me the watch!"

The words burned in Derek's mind, he'd heard them far too many times for one lifetime. He brought his right hand to his left wrist to unclasp it but couldn't go through with it. "I can't." he murmured. "It's all I'm going to have left from her."

That's when a fist came flying toward his face, catching him unexpectedly right in the forehead, sending him flying back until he hit the hard cement. The instantaneous pain send him into a welcome state of unconsciousness, allowing his assailant to remove the watch without a fight and get away with no difficulty and no witnesses to worry about.

* * *

After leaving the hospital and arriving at her hotel room, Addison made a beeline toward the turned-down bed where she could prompt cry herself to sleep. But it didn't last long. Less than an hour later she received a call that changed everything. All she heard was_ husband_ and _found unconscious_. Everything else was a blur. She quickly pulled on the pair of scrubs she'd carelessly tossed aside earlier and she sped to the hospital, running two red light in the five minute drive over.

By the time she arrived, Derek had been stabilized and transferred to the ICU. An intern escorted her to the room and informed her that a doctor would be in shortly to talk to her. She stared down at Derek and did her best not to cringe. His face was bruised, his arms scraped and his lip was swollen, there was minimal traces of blood still left on his face and it send her heart pounding out of her chest.

"Addison." Richard greeted softly when he walked into the room.

"What the hell happened?" she demanded without giving him a chance to speak.

"We don't know." Richard answered honestly. "Meredith and O'Malley were walking to their car and they saw him lying in the parking lot. His wallet and briefcase are missing, we assume he was mugged."

"He's living in New York long enough to know that if he just gave the mugger what he or she wanted, he would not have been hurt. Why would he fight over her wallet?"

"Maybe he didn't. Maybe the guy just beat him anyway to get the chance to escape."

"What happen?" Addison asked again. "Why is he in the ICU? What's wrong with him?"

"He's got a concussion, a terrible one at that. He's got a minor skull fracture, and a cracked rib. There was no further brain injury, at least none that we can note while he's unconscious. All scans came back clean."

"He hasn't gained consciousness at all since he was brought in?"

"No, he hasn't but he is stable, breathing on his own which is good. It's just a matter of time." Richard explained what Addison should have already known as a doctor. But in that moment, Richard knew she wasn't thinking like Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. She was the concerned wife that was lost in a situation she knew nothing about. "I know you and Derek are not on good terms right now but you are legally still married. You are responsible for all medical decisions while he's unconscious."

Addison nodded. "I know." she whispered. "Isn't it dangerous for him to be unconscious with a concussion? Doesn't that put him at risk for going into a coma?"

"We are monitoring him very carefully, that is why he is in the ICU." he replied. "Is there anyone you want us to call? Derek's family? You're family?" Richard offered.

Addison shook her head. "I'll call his family." she answered quietly. "Just give me a few minutes to process all of this then I'll get it together and call his family."

Richard reached out to put a hand on Addison's shoulder. "You don't need to have it together right now." he reminded her. "I'll be here to help with anything I can, okay?"

"Thank you." she murmured, collapsing in a chair beside his bed.

She should have know that things between her and Derek could not end with a simple divorce. They were too complicated to end things that easily. The fact that Derek was unconscious in a hospital bed was evidence of that fact. It was up to her to make sure he would be okay and she could never walk away from him when he needed her.

* * *

Celebrating the end of my finals for this semester by posting this story. It's a little sad when you think about it haha. Hope you guys like it. Chapter 2 will come soon if you guys overwhelm me with reviews. *insert devilish smirk here*


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting in the corner of the room, Addison stared down at one contact on her phone. She hesitated before moving her finger over the touch screen phone to click on it and make the class. With her breath held, Addison waited for the woman to answer her phone. She knew it was late in Connecticut but hoped her mother-in-law would answer the phone regardless.

"Hello?" the woman finally picked up the phone, her voice sounding tired and groggy. "Who is this?"

The question automatically told Addison that she had deleted her number from her cell phone contacts and did not recognize the numbers. "It's Addison." she answered, momentarily considering to add her last name to specifically identify herself for her mother-in-law. "I know it's late there, I'm sorry."

"What do you want, Addison?" Carolyn asked.

"It's about Derek." she murmured quietly.

"I can't tell you where he is, Addison. You should just leave him alone. If you cared even a slightest bit, you would leave him alone. Just let him be happy. Doesn't he deserve that after everything?" Carolyn asked the woman on the other end of the line rhetorically.

"I didn't call to ask you where he is. I know where he is. I'm with him right now."

"What? Why? He didn't mention you being there."

"I was asked to consult on a case and I figured it was a good opportunity to give Derek the divorce papers." Addison answered. "I am leaving him alone, Mrs. Shepherd. Despite what you may believe, I do love him and I do want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. That's why I gave him the papers. But that's not why I called you."

"Then what is the reason you called me?"

"Derek was mugged earlier tonight. Well, we think he was mugged. No one saw what happened so we don't really know. He was found unconscious in the parking lot and his wallet was missing. He hasn't gained consciousness since he was brought in."

"What?" the older want asked in shock. "He knows better than to fight over something like that. He saw what happen to his father. He would have just given them the wallet."

"That's what I thought but..." Addison paused. "I don't know, maybe there was something else he didn't want to give up or maybe the guy was gonna beat him regardless. We don't even know how many there were. Maybe it was a group and their intention was to hurt him and the wallet was a bonus. I don't know what happen. I just know he's hurt and he's unconscious and I thought you had the right to know."

"Do you know what happen to him?" Carolyn asked.

"Richard told me he's got a pretty bad concussion, a minor skull fracture likely caused by a blow to the head, maybe from the fall to the ground, if there was one. We're not sure how any of it happened. He's pretty bruised, scratches and cuts and such but they expect him to make a full recovery." Addison informed her estranged husband's mother. "We're hoping Derek will be able to fill in the blanks when he wakes up."

"Is his girlfriend with him? He shouldn't have to be alone."

"She hasn't been in to see him yet. I'm not sure why. Richard told me that she and a friend were the ones that found him so I'm sure she knows. Maybe she just needs some time to come to terms with it. But he's not alone, Mrs. Shepherd, I'm here with him."

"But that's not your job anymore. You're separated. You shouldn't even be there to begin with."

"Well, until we are legally divorced, I'm his next of kin. I need to be here in case any decisions need to be made. So either way, even if I wasn't already in Seattle, they would have had to call me to come." Addison explained.

"I should call his sisters..." Carolyn trailed off.  
"Don't worry about the calls, I'll call everyone. I booked you the first availible flight to Seattle. It's about 2 right now, right? Because it's 11 here and you guys are three hours ahead."

"Yes." Carolyn confirmed.

"The flight is at 5 am, you should be here a little early to check in and get through security. It will land in Seattle 10ish eastern time, 7 local time. I'll arrange a car to be there. Your ticket is at the counter, should you decide to come." Addison told her. "If you can't come out here then I'll be sure to call you if there are any changes and I will have Derek call as soon as he's awake."

Carolyn had never particularly liked Addison. She rarely tried to hide it, however, she hearing the broken, desperate voice on the other end of the line left no doubt in her; she knew she could never question the fact that Addison loved her son.

* * *

The next morning, just past 8 am, Derek's mother was escorted through the halls of Seattle Grace toward her son's room. She stopped just outside the door and stared in through the open blinds of the window.

"Is that Addison?" she asked Richard, who had taken the liberty to escort her.

"Yes." Richard confirmed. "She refused to leave last night. I offered to have someone set up a cot for her but she insisted that that chair will be enough." he looked into the room to see Addison's legs pulled up to her chest, she was curled up on the armchair fast asleep. "She fell asleep three or four hours ago. She just sat there staring at him before that."

Carolyn felt a pang of guilt as she continued staring into the room.

"I don't even know how she can sleep like that. It looks uncomfortable." Richard continued. "But anyway, that's not our biggest concern right now." he added, opening the door carefully so it would make minimal sound.

Carolyn quietly stepped into the room and walked toward her son's bed. She felt tears building in her eyes as she took in the bruises, the swelling and bandaged cuts. She had images in her mind but the reality was worse than she could have imagined.

"I'll leave you guys alone." Richard whispered.

"Can you have someone get Addie a blanket? It's cold in here and I can see her goosebumps from here."

Richard nodded, "I will have bring one in right away." he promised before going down the hall to the linen closet for a blanket. He stopped back the room and turned it over to Carolyn with a promise he'd be by later to check on Derek.

Carolyn unfolded the blanket and draped the blanket on her curled up daugher-in-law but as soon as she blanket came into contact with her, Addison was awake. For a second she hoped that she'd had a terrible dream but she knew that wasn't true when she registered herself to be in a hospital room with her estranged husband and his mother.

"Mrs. Shepherd." she said groggily as she sat up and stretched. "Sorry." she muttered when he back cracked from hours of uncomfortable confinement.

"I didn't mean to wake you. I thought you might be cold..."

Addison shook her head dismissively. "It's fine. I'm glad you could make it. I'm sure Derek will be glad to have you here."

Carolyn nodded. "Thank you for arranging the flight and pick-up."

"No problem." Addison replied with a smile. "I should go, give you guys some privacy."

"Can I ask you something, Addison?" Carolyn asked before Addison had a chance got leave the room.

"Sure."

"Why are you doing this for him? Richard told me you refuse to leave him alone, you stayed up most of the night talking to me and his sister, you arranged for me to fly out here. I've never met anyone who would do so much for a man who left her."

Addison shrugged, a lack of words preventing her from saying anything. She thought about the question for a minute and then looked over at her mother-in-law. "I love him." she answered simply. "I hurt him but I love him. He's the love of my life. I would do anything for him, I want him to be happy even if it's not with me. Right now, I'm still his wife. I vowed to be by his side through sickness and health and I'm keeping that promise. He doesn't deserve any of this and he certainly would not deserve waking up to see he's alone. He should know that there is someone who cares about him and loves him."

Carolyn couldn't help but smile at Addison.

"Besides, this whole thing is kinda my fault. This is the least I could do."

"How is it your fault?" Derek's mother asked with a quirked brow.

"He moved to Seattle because I cheated on him. If I controlled myself we could have still be together in New York. Nothing would be different and this would not have happened."

For the first time in her life, Carolyn found herself actually pitying her daughter-in-law. She'd never seen Addison in such a position that left her hurt and powerless. "It's not your fault." was the best she could do. "You can't blame yourself. It only makes this whole thing harder. Trust me, I know. When Derek's father was killed over that damn watch I could not stop blaming myself. I'm the one that bought that watch. That guilt plagued me for years. Don't do the same thing. It's not your fault."

Addison sniffled just slightly and nodded her head.

"I'm just glad this did not end the same way. It's just so strikingly similar. Right? What are the chances of this happening to the same family?"

"You think this was over the watch I bought Derek?" Addison questioned.

Carolyn shrugged her shoulders without an answer. "I don't know." she murmured. "It's possible. Derek always wore that watch. He loved it."

_"Before._" Addison emphasized. There were a few moments of silence before she went on. "I don't think he would have refused to give up his watch to end up like that. He's seen what that can do first hand. Besides, Derek didn't even try to hide the fact that he hates me now. I doubt he was wearing the watch. I don't even think he has it anymore. He probably got rid of it. And even if he does have it and he was wearing it, why would he fight over it? It doesn't mean anything anymore. I just, I don't think that was it."

Just as Carolyn opened her mouth to respond they heard a low, muffle groan from Derek. Both women turned their attention to him and watched with wide eyes and his eyes fluttered open. He looked at both of them in utter confusion.

"Mom." Derek muttered groggily when he recognized his mother. He had no idea why she looked significantly older than he remembered her to be but he didn't bother questioning it. He had no idea where he was or what happen to him and he figured those questions were more important.

Carolyn quickly ran toward her son and tightly embraced him. "Derek Christopher Shepherd, you gave me a heart attack!" she teased as she pulled away from the hug. "How are you feeling?"

Derek shrugged, looking over at the scrub clad woman standing at the foot of his bed. "Are you my doctor? Or um, maybe my nurse? What's wrong with me?"

"What?" Addison asked, caught completely off guard by the question.

"You're standing at the foot of bed wearing scrubs and you've got that very concerned expression on your face. I'm guessing you are my doctor. If not, then maybe a nurse. Either way, you know what happen to me and I want to know."

"You don't know who I am?" Addison found herself asking.

"She's a doctor, Derek, but she'd not your doctor. You don't remember her?" Carolyn asked her son.

Derek simply shook his head.

"What do you remember?" Carolyn asked him. "Can you tell us the last thing you remember?"

"I remember going out for drinks with Mark last night. We got acceptance letters from Columbia so we wanted to go out and celebrate. Did we drink and drive and crash? Is that why we're here?"

"He's got amnesia." Addison whispered in realization. Her husband had amnesia and he had no idea who she was.

"Derek, I'm sure this is scary and difficult to understand but that was 16 years ago." His mother told him softly.

"What do you mean?" he asked in confusion.

"You were mugged last night while you were leaving work. The attack left you with a severe concussion and a minor skull fracture. But with severe head trauma like that, amnesia sometimes occurs. It's normal. You're expected to make a full recovery so the amnesia should go away with a little time. You will get your memory back." Addison explained.

"See!" Derek turned to his mother. "And you thought she wasn't my doctor."

"She's not, Derek. Addison is your wife. You already went to Columbia for Medical School and you met Addison there. You two got engaged the day of graduation and you got married before starting your internships. You both did your residencies in Mount Sinai in New York. You became a neurosurgeon. You are now the head of the department at Seattle Grace." Carolyn carefully explained to her son to ease his confusion. "Addison is a neonatal surgeon, but after being married to you for almost 12 years, she'd become very familiar with neurology. Hence her ability to explain your condition with such ease." she added with a small reassuring smile.

Derek's eyes got wider as he looked past his mother to the woman at the foot of his bed. "You're my wife?"

"Yes." Addison replied quietly with a small nod.

Derek turned to his mother and whispered, "What did you say her name was?"

"Addison." Carolyn repeated. She chuckled a little, looking from Addison to Derek. "It's funny because you went through phases with her name. When you were dating you only called her Addison, you hated when anyone used a shorter nickname. You said she was a mature, grown women and a nickname was not filling. But after you got engaged and graduated medical school, Addison decided that she would take your our last name so you started calling her Dr. Shepherd. It was kind of funny because people honestly believed that you guys were not on first name basis. It wasn't it until after the wedding that you started calling her Addie or Add."

"You took my last name?" Derek asked, looking to Addison for an answer to see her nodding again. "Women don't change their name unless they really, really love the guy, right? So you must have loved me a lot to change your name for me."

Addison nodded, for the first time since the whole ordeal she found herself smiling. "Yeah, I really, really love you. The kind of love where I don't think or worry about anything when I'm around you because just as long as you're around, I'm happy."

Derek smiled back at her. "Damn, if there was that much love involved, we must have been an awesome couple." Derek joked. "I wish I remembered you. I wish I could remember how I feel about you." he responded honestly.

_If you remembered me or how you feel about me then you wouldn't even want me in the same state with you._ Addison thought to herself.

* * *

A/N: Holy shit, guys! 21 reviews for the first chapter?! Damn. I was expecting like 10 or 11 at most. It shattered by record which was 18 over 2 years for a one-shot. This was 21 in like 4 days! I'm glad so many of your guys liked it. Hope chapter 2 does not disappoint. One question for you guys: Would you want Derek's father's death to play a bigger role in this story? If you do it could A. Through flashbacks B. Through conversation. Let me know your thoughts on that. I have most of the story written but I can edit to include more about his father.

Your mission now, blow me away with reviews. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

"Mind if I sit with you, Richard?" Carolyn asked, standing beside her son's former mentor's table in the cafeteria with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Not at all. I'd be honored." Richard answered. "How is Derek doing this morning? I have been around for rounds yet. I needed a cup of coffee first."

"I'm sure he's alright. I haven't seen him yet today. Addison has stayed with him last night. I have been staying in her hotel room. If she's not going to use it, someone should." Carolyn replied lightheartedly with a small chuckle. "But he was doing well when I left last night. I mean, he is awake, he's not in as much pain as he was at first and his repeat CT looked good."

"Addison spent the night with him here again?" Richard asked. "She hasn't left the hospital since he was brought in."

Carolyn nodded. "I know. She's begrudgingly left his side to shower yesterday. She was very hesitant about it at first. She just does not want to leave him. I don't even think she's been eating."

"At least she agreed to take that shower" Richard said lightheartedly.

"It's really interesting because I never liked her before this. I didn't think she was right for Derek, I didn't think she could love him and care about him the way he deserved. I thought she was materialistic and spoiled. But after seeing her through a situation like this, I realize I was wrong. She's a great wife, she really does love him and she would do anything for him."

"Yeah, I could have told you that long before any of this ever happened." Richard answered.

"I feel terrible that I realize this now that they're getting divorced."

"Do you think they will move forward with that? I know Addison gave him the divorce paper before the accident happened but I haven't heard any mention of them since."

"I don't know. She told me that she will be by his side to support him through this until he asks her to leave and not come back. And he won't do that until he remembers the 16 years, until he remembers the affair and his new girlfriend. And even when his memory does come back, he will know how she feels for him and he may have a change of heart. Then again, he might not. He might hate her even more for not telling him."

"Have you guys discussed whether or not you want to share those details with him?" Richard wondered.

"We briefly discussed it before I left yesterday. She wanted to tell him, she wants him to know the truth because she thinks it's unfair to hold out something like that. I think it will only hurt him and he should not be hurt again. So we agreed not to mention it for now."

"I know that you're just starting to come around about Addison but I've known Meredith her whole life. She's a very sweet girl and she's also worried for him. She doesn't feel comfortable being in there with you and Addison but she's just as concerned. She is his girlfriend and she's not sure where she stands right now. That said, I have also known Derek and Addison since they were hopelessly-in-love, newlywed interns and they were the perfect couple. No matter how it works out, I'll be happy for Derek but I know that one of those two extraordinary women will be left heartbroken."

* * *

Derek opened his eyes and once again processed the fact that he was in the hospital. He once again had to remind himself of the fact that he had amnesia and the stranger curled up on the chair beside his bed was his wife.

"Hey." she whispered softly when she noticed he was awake. "Did you sleep well?"

"As well as one can sleep with these monitors constantly beeping over everything." Derek replied. "How did you sleep with that thing constantly beeping in the background?"

Addison chuckled at the answer. "If you ever want to sleep as an intern, you have learn to tune it out. You only really hear it when it's beeping abnormally because that means you have to wake up and do something. I'm sure as soon as your memory comes back, those old habits will come back too."

Derek nodded in agreement. "I hope so." he said. "Hey, Addison, will you tell me about yourself?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything."

"Um, let's see...I'm not an actual redhead. My natural hair is brown, light brown. I'm from Connecticut, graduated high school a couple years early because I skipped a few grades. Did my undergrad at Yale. I had the worst lisp ever all through middle school and half of high school. I have a thing for view finders." she listed off the different facts as they came to her. "Um, I can't cook to save my life but I can make really, really good reservations. I have a pretty serious shoe addiction, well, let's not lie, it's not just shoes. Purses and clothes too. You hated shopping with me. Unless, of course, it was lingerie shopping. Then you loved it."

Derek grinned at her. "That sounds like me."

"Yeah, what can I say, you are the typical man. We were caught having sex in the library bathroom in med school. They banned us from there for the rest of the semester. Do you know how hard it is to pass a history of medicine class without access to the medical research library, Derek?"

"Considering the fact that I don't even remember going to medical school, no, I don't know how hard it is." he answered. "Are we notorious for getting caught in action or something?"

"Let's see, there was the time during our internship when we were exposed to an infectious diseases, I believe it was a smallpox outbreak. We were vaccinated but they still put us in quarantine. So basically we were locked alone together in a room. Well, we go bored toward the end and started having sex...that's when the chief came to tell us we could leave."

Derek laughed. "I don't know what's funnier, the fact that our superior caught us or the fact that I actually waited toward the end of the lockdown to get into your pants."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, I don't know know how that happened." Addison chuckled.

The two fell into an uncomfortable silence after that. Neither one of them knew what to say. For Derek, Addison was a complete stranger. He barely knew her. For Addison, it was a matter of fear. Although she loved the time she with him, she was just waiting for his memory to suddenly come back. She feared his reaction to her presence in his life, she knew it would not be anything remotely pleasant. So she was constantly trying to be prepared for the moment when that would happen. She did not want to get too attached to fact that she had her husband back.

"Addison." Derek said after a little while. "Do we have kids?"

Addison slowly shook her head. "No, we don't have kids."

"But we've been married for 12 years and apparently we were sex machines."

"Yeah, but you proposed the day of medical school graduation. We had one month to plan our wedding. We wanted to do it before the internship. And during that we had the USMLE then we went on a delayed honeymoon and as soon as we got back we started out internships. Then came residency and we discussed kids at that time but we both had such ambitious dreams. We were applying for competitive fellowships and our top choices were to stay at Mount Sinai but there was no guarantee. What if we had the child and you got Mount Sinai and I didn't and I move for a few years or vice versa? A child would have made that harder."

"Did we get our top choices and stay together or did one of us move and we had a long distance thing for a while?"

"We got our top choices." Addison reported with a smile. "And then we talked about it again and we decided that maybe it was time to start trying. We tried for a while toward the end our fellowships, for like three or four months but nothing came from it. Then our careers took off and we just didn't have time anymore so we stopped trying." _You didn't even bother trying to act like my husband anymore._

"That sucks." Derek mumbled. "I mean, I haven't seen myself in the mirror and I'm sure I look much older than I remember myself to be but I couldn't have changed too much. I'm fairly good looking and you, well, you're insanely gorgeous. Our kids would have been like the sun, if you looked right at them for too long their gorgeous perfection would make you blind."

A smile grew on Addison's face. "You used to say that all the time when we were trying for a baby. Hey, maybe that was the first little tidbit of your memory."

Derek chuckled, "Or maybe I just really, honestly believe that we would have unrealistically beautiful children." he replied.

Just then, Derek's mother stepped into the room and curiously looked at the laughing couple. She raised a brow before asking, "What's going on here? What are you two laughing about?"

"My wife of almost 12 years just informed me of the fact that we do not have children." Derek explained to his mother. "And I was just telling her that it's a shame because we would make very good looking kids."

"Yes, you absolutely would." Carolyn agreed. "Addison, honey, do you wanna go downstairs and get something to eat. I haven't seen you eat anything since I got here. I'll stay with Derek, he won't be alone. I promise."

Addison shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"You should go get something to eat, Addie. My mom's right. You've barely gotten out of that chair." Derek agreed. "We don't want you starving yourself and passing out or anything like that. Then you'd end up in a hospital bed right next to mine."

"See, Addison, now Derek's saying it. You don't want to go against your poor, amnesiac, beaten and bruised husband, do you?" Carolyn asked. "Go, I'll stay with him."

Derek watched Addison as she retreated from the room. He turned back to his mother who took a seat on the armchair that Addison had literally been living on since Derek was admitted.

"This chair is uncomfortable. I don't know how she's been able to sleep on it, and spend all day just sitting here with this damn thing." Carolyn complained. "If living off of this chair for you is not love, Derek, then I don't know what is."

"I don't remember her." Derek mumbled. "It's weird because she obviously loves me a lot and I feel like I must have loved her too but I can't remember it. She seems perfect."

"I know you don't remember it." Carolyn said with a nod, trying to think of the appropriate answer. Finally she decided that the best thing to say was, "There was a time when you loved her a great deal and you thought she was absolutely perfect."

"She was telling me stories about med school. She made it sound like we were a picture perfect couple."

"You were." Carolyn confirmed. "You loved her so much, Derek. You met when you went for your orientation before starting school and you guys instantly connected and become friends, you were afraid to ask her out. Abour three weeks into the first semester you asked her out and she agreed. You called me after your first date to tell me that she was the one. You brought her home that first Christmas. You had been together for only like three or four month but she was the one so you wanted your family to meet her. You just had this glow when you were around her, you were so deliciously happy. You guys would look at each other and it was obvious that you both loved one another immensely."

Derek sighed. "I don't remember any of that." he murmured.

"It's nothing to worry about, honey. You heard what Addison said, you'll get your memory back. She would know, she's been married to a brilliant neurologist for quite some time."

Derek quietly nodded, settling into a comfortable silence. After a few minutes he turned to his mother and asked, "How come Mark is not here?"

Carolyn's eyes widened. "He's in New York. You and Addison moved out here for work and Mark stayed back." she answered vaguely. "I'm sure Addison didn't want to call him because she doesn't want him to worry."

"Oh. That's good. I'm okay so he shouldn't have to worry." he said. "I can't believe Addison and I live here. I can't believe I left New York. I loved it there and I loved being close to the family."

"Seattle was just something that you had to do." Carolyn explained, trying to be as vague as possible.

"This is all just so confusing." he admitted. "I don't want to talk about anything I don't remember anymore, okay?" he told her mother who nodded. They sat there in silence until Addison returned to the room ten minutes later holding a cup of coffee and small brown bag.

"Do you want share my muffin with me?" she asked, holding up the small brown bag to him.

"Does that have a perverted double meaning behind it?" Derek wondered with a smirk.

"I'm right here, Derek." his mother reminded him casually. "And I'm pretty sure she was referring to an actual muffin and nothing else."

Derek groaned at his mother before turning back to Addison. "I'd rather do what I was thinking of but if an actual muffin is all I can get then I guess I'll have to settle. Technically we are not married until we consummate the marriage." he replied, giving his wife a slightly disappointed look. "What kind?" he asked.

"Chocolate." Addison answered. "That's your favorite, right?" she asked, unsure of what her husband's taste 16 years earlier.

Meanwhile, Carolyn said, "Trust me, Derek, your marriage has been consummated. Your wedding photographer and the bridal party, Addison's parents, your sisters and I can all attest to it."

Derek's eyes widened, he decided addressing his mother was more important than answering Addison's question. "What are you talking about mom?"

"You consummated your marriage in the bridal holding room in church. The photographer left you too alone for a few minutes to come get all of us for portraits and we all walked into find you on top of her. You have about 20 witnesses."

Turning bright red, Derek looked at Addison. "You weren't kidding when you said we were animals." he said. " But back to the muffin, yes, chocolate is my favorite. Blueberry..." he scoffed as he thought about it. "Why would anyone eat a blueberry muffin. It doesn't make it an healthier, it's still a muffin. Might as well get the chocolate."

Addison smiled at him. "Yes, I believe that was the exact speech you used to convert me from blueberry muffins to chocolate."

"Glad I was able to get you on the same page. That would have been an easy deal breaker." Derek told her teasingly.

"I ran into your neurologist on my way back in. He says he's discharging you tomorrow." She informed him with a smile as she pulled the large muffin from it's bag. "I was thinking about going to get your clothes before tonight and then we'll be ready to head home tomorrow after Dr. Simmons does his rounds and gets to you."

"Home?" Derek asked hesitantly. "Where exactly is home?"

"I uh, we..." Addison paused, glancing at Derek. "We live in a trailer. You thought it would be fun to buy property out here, we have our own lake and everything and we bought it with the goal of building a house but haven't had the chance. You figured a trailer would be a good alternative until we had the chance to get to it."

"Oh..." Derek mumbled unsure.

"We could go to a hotel if you're prefer." she offered.

"No. I think it might help if I went home, even if home is a trailer. Maybe that might help me remember something."

"Dr. Shepherd." A nurse called from the doorway. Derek, unused to the name, did not bother with a response but noticed Addison turn to the man in the doorway. "Dr. Webber has been paging you and you're not answering. We've got a patient at 19 weeks with ovarian torsion being wheeled up to OR 7. Dr. Webber needs you to scrub in, the other two attendings on call are both busy."

"I'm not supposed to be working."

"Dr. Webber was desperate Dr. Shepherd. He didn't want to pull you away from your husband but we have no one else to do the surgery."

Addison nodded her head and sighed. "I'll be right there." she said, setting her uneaten half of the muffin on Derek's tray. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't you dare eat my muffin, Shepherd." she warned.

Derek looked at her with a smirk. only to be met with a glare by his mother."I'm sorry! It sounds perverted and she keeps saying it! What do you want me to do?!" he exclaimed.

Addison couldn't help but chuckle on her way out the door but once she was gone the atmosphere in the room was far from light and humorous. Derek looked at his mother unsurely and said, "This is weird."

"Why is it weird?"

"Because she is amazing and she's just so sweet and perfect but I don't know her. I want to trust her and love her back but I barely know her. I'm going to go home with a perfect stranger tomorrow. That's a little weird."

"I'm not sure what is so sexual about muffins but you seem amused by it so let's put it this way; I'm sure you won't find it weird when she is sharing a different kind of muffin with you at home."

Derek's smiled widely at his mother. "You're right. Do you think we can get my doctor to let me leave tonight?"

* * *

I couldn't decide whether to update today or tomorrow. Luckily for you guys, I decided to update tonight so I could maybe wake up to a few reviews in my inbox. You guys have seriously been blowing me away with those reviews so you totally deserve updates as quickly as possible. I'm really glad you guys are liking this story. I've had the idea for so long but every time I tried writing it, it would suck.

Oh, my favorite part about this chapter, you ask? Derek somehow deciding that there is a perverted meaning behind muffins. It sounds like something college-senior-Derek would think.

I bet that really makes you want to tell me your favorite part. Lucky for you, it's super easy. Start typing in the box below and press submit ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Derek got in bed as soon as he got from the hospital and he stayed in bed all day. He slept and watched TV with barely any interaction with Addison who seemed to be giving him his space. Little did he know that Addison had been there the night before to move in some of her stuff to make it look like she had always been there with him. She familiarized herself with where everything was so she would feel like she belonged there. Despite all of it, she felt completely out of place. She knew that if Derek could remember her he would not want her anywhere near the new home he had made for himself.

Derek turned over in bed, in the position he was able to see that she was sitting on the small couch looking up. What he didn't expect was to head a small, stifled sob coming from her. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and furrowed his brows. "Addison." he called out.

She quickly wiped tears, doing her best to put her issues aside to care for him. "Yeah." she said, getting up from the spot on the couch to standing in the doorway of the so called bedroom. "You okay? Did you want something?"

"No, I'm fine. Are you okay? I could swear I heard you crying." he answered. "Did something happen?"

Addison shook her head. "Everything is fine. I'm just a little emotional, I guess. This is all a lot to digest."

"I know it is. But it could be worse. I don't remember who it was but someone was telling me that I was going to the bar across the street. I assume I was going to meet you. We could have been going together, then we'd both get mugged and beaten and how terrible would it be if both of us had amnesia?"

Addison couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him that he was really walking away from her to go meet his girlfriend at the bar. She couldn't tell him that his stolen briefcase had their unsigned divorces papers in it. She finally settled on saying, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Are you coming to bed? It's late and I have barely seen you since we got home."

"I didn't want to bother you. I thought you'd want some time to yourself." she explained. "And I don't want to bother you now either. I'll sleep on the couch so you can be comfortable."

"That's ridiculous, Addie. The couch is tiny." he answered. At first a small part of him was relieved when she offered, he was slightly anxious about sharing a bed with someone he barely knew. However a much larger part of him wanted to make her feel comfortable. "Maybe if we cuddle it'll be like a deja vu or something."

"Derek." Addison started.

"Don't argue with the mentally disabled man." he said before she could say anything else.

"You're really going to used this to get everything you want, aren't you?"

Derek gave her a sly grin. "Of course." he answered. "Now get in bed."

* * *

The next morning Derek woke up to find himself alone in bed. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, expecting to see his wife somewhere in the small trailer but once again discovered he was alone. He carefully got out of bed, fighting the dizziness with small steps so he wouldn't lose balance. He thought maybe Addison was out on the deck but he was wrong again. He took the time alone to look around the trailer, familiarizing himself with what was in all of the drawers and cabinets. He roamed over toward a small book shelf and observed numerous medical textbooks, all neurological. None of Addison's pediatric, neonatal or ob/gyn text books were around. He was also able to spot one old album. He pulled the album from the shelf and flipped through pictures of his childhood. He remembered many of those pictures being taken so he figured pictures of his past with his wife would help him remember. Derek scoured that book shelf for another album, hoping to find pictures from medical school or their wedding but he soon realized there was not a single picture of his wife in the household.

With a sense of confusion, Derek got back into bed with the phone in his hand. He knew she had a cell phone but he didn't know her number and he desperately wanted to remember it. That's when he heard a car pull up and just moments later his wife walked in with grocery bags and his mother behind her.

"Hey." Addison greeted, setting down the bags to move to his side to peck his lips. "I didn't think you'd be up so early. I'm sorry for leaving without letting you know."

"I was pretty confused there for a little while." Derek admitted.

"I text you phone to let you know that I went to pick up your mother and that we were going to stop by to do some grocery shopping...then I realized you don't have a phone anymore so you never got my message. I should have left a note or something."

"I looked around. I found an album from my childhood. I remember a lot of those pictures being taken so I thought looked for pictures of us but I couldn't find any. Do you know where they are? Can we look through them?" Derek asked her hopefully.

"I uh..." Addison started, caught completely off guard by his question. She knew he wouldn't have pictures of her in his Addison-free sanctuary and she did not know how to explain that to him.

"All of your albums are in New York, Derek." his mother answered for her. "The one you were looking at from your childhood, I brought that one with me." she lied.

"Oh. We still have stuff in New York?" Derek asked.

Addison nodded her head. "Most of our stuff is in New York in the Brownstone."

"We could afford a Brownstone?"

She nodded her head again.

"That's awesome!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. "So we have that just lying around there and we came here and bought this..."

"And the house in the Hamptons."

"We have a house in the Hamptons too?" Derek asked unbelievably only to see a nod. "Like right on the beach?" He was met with another nod from both his wife and his mother. "Are we millionaires?" he asked slowly, his brows rising as he looked to both women for an answer.

"Um..." Carolyn started. "Multi-millionaires would probably be more accurate. You both have seven figure salaries and many real estate investments. I mean, you aren't renting out the Hamptons house and the Brownstone but you have like four or five rental properties that bring income and you're very active with buy and selling stocks and I don't know, I guess it's been working out. Plus, the fact that Addison is an heiress with a 25 million dollar trust fund probably helps."

"25 million?! Twenty-five? Like two then five? I'm sorry but holy shit!" he exclaimed. "What exactly are the heiress off? Are you somehow related to the Kennedys or um, the Rockefellers?

"Oh, you hadn't told him? I'm sorry. I'm going to occupy myself with making those pancakes before I say anything else I wasn't supposed to say." Carolyn murmured, stepped out of the small bedroom and sliding the door shut behind her to give the couple their privacy.

"Okay, she's gone. You can tell me now." Derek whispered. "Are you some kind of royalty? Do you own a small country somewhere?"

Addison chuckled and shook her head. She sat on the edge of the bed beside Derek. "You know of Forbes Magazine, right?" she asked.

"The magazine for and about rich people?"

"Um, yeah, I guess you could say that. My family owns that publication, and many other publications."

"Let me get this straight." Derek started, looking from Addison to his mother and back. "We are multi-millionaires living in a forest in a trailer? Why would an heiress ever agree to that? What kind of heiress lives in a trailer?"

"I'm not an heiress. Trust fund baby, maybe but I wouldn't say I'm an heiress." Addison insisted. "And even if I was, Derek, this is where you wanted to live. I don't really care where I live as long as I'm with you so..." she trailed off and shrugged to make up for her lack of words.

Derek couldn't help but smile at how sweet the response was. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude." he apologized.

"It's fine." she said dismissively. "You're shocked, you have a lot to take in. It's okay. It's probably going to happen a lot until you get your memory back."

"Am I going to find out we own a small country tomorrow?" he asked with a raised brow. "I'm kidding. But really, what else should I know?"

"There is a lot to know, Derek, a lot happened in the last 16 years."

"Spare me the details. Just tell me what I need to know to be happy and content right now."

"You are a very highly accomplished neurosurgeon and you've got a wife who loves you more than anything else in this universe and your mother is like five feet away making her famous pancakes. I'm pretty sure that's all you need to know to be happy." Addison replied.

"Chocolate chip pancakes, right?" Derek asked, making his voice louder so his mother could hear him on the other side of the door. "Not blueberry, right? Please tell me they're not going to be blueberry pancakes. People need to learn that adding blueberries to their carby food will not make it healthy."

* * *

"Derek." Addison whispered, poking his arm to wake him.

Derek groggily opened his eyes and stared at him with a curious gaze.

"You wanted to see pictures so I asked a friend of ours to go to the Brownstone and scan a few pictures to email us."

Derek rubbed his eyes and propped himself up on the pillow. "Addie, I know it's two-thousand something but I remember the mid 90s. I have no idea what scanning and emailing is." he reminded her.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter right now. Point us, now I can show you pictures." she said, moving closer to him with her laptop propped up against her legs."This one's from med school graduation aka, the day your proposed." she told him, pointing to the screen which displayed a picture of them in caps and gown with Addison's left hand held out so her ring would show. Derek had his arm wrapped around her, holding her close. They both had huge smiles on their faces.

"We look deliciously happy." he commented.

"We were." Addison replied, scrolling down to a picture from their wedding ceremony which showed Addison putting Derek's ring on his finger.

Seeing the picture, Derek glanced at Addison's left hand and noted the two rings on her finger. Then he looked at his own bare left hand and looked up at her curiously. "Where is my ring?" he asked. "Did they take that too?"

She had no answer for him. She had no idea where his ring was but she knew he was not wearing it that day. "I don't know." she admitted quietly.

"Next picture." he said, eagerly looking at the screen. When she didn't scroll down, Derek looked away from the screen and at Addison. "You okay, Addie?" he asked softly.

Addison nodded, handing the laptop over to him. "Just scroll down." she said, getting up from bed.

"Where are you going? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just need to get some fresh air." she murmured as she started toward the door. She stepped out onto the deck and let out a heavy sigh. She had not idea how much longer she could keep up the charade of a perfect marriage for Derek. Sooner or later he would know the truth and hate her for keeping it from him. She knew she would be heartbroken all over again. Knowing all of that, she still could not bring herself to tell Derek the truth. He was content and happy for the time being and that was all she wanted. It was enough to keep her going through yet another painful day filled with lies.

"Baby?" she heard Derek called her from the trailer.

Addison stopped pacing back and forth on the deck and quickly wiped away a few tears that she wasn't able to fight back. "You should be in bed, Derek. Your doctor does not want you walking around unnecessarily. Are you dizzy? Do you need help getting back to bed?"

"My wife is outside in the freezing cold crying by herself. I would hardly say this was unnecessary." he answered. "I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to worry about me. You're the one with amnesia, I think it's more important that we focus on you for right now." she said, doing her best to give him a reassuring and convincing smile.

"Why were you crying?" Derek questioned.

"I'm just..."

Derek cut her off before she could say anything more. "Don't lie to me, Addie. We're supposed to be honest with one another."

She felt a pang of guilt in chest which actually manifested as physical pain. Knowing there was no way she'd be able to control the rush of emotion, Addison turned away from Derek before letting out a heartbreaking sob.

"Addison." he spoke softly, walking out onto the deck to wrap his arms around her. "Honey, I know this is overwhelming for you too. I'm not the only one we need to worry about, you're going through a lot too. We're supposed to get through this together. Okay?"

She nodded her head against his chest, doing her best to stop violently sobbing in his t-shirt.

"I don't remember if I've said this before but I'm glad you're here with me. I don't think I could have done this alone." he said as he pressed a kiss to her head. "Now will you please come inside? I could swear you had a frozen on your cheek. That's how cold it is out here."

Addison nodded again and followed him into the trailer. She took a deep breath in and sat down on the couch before letting it all out in a huff.

Derek knelt down in front of her and placed a hand on her knee. "Tonight it's my turn to take care of you."

* * *

Hope you guys like the update, its a little bit of a filler but I tried to make it less filler like. Hope that worked out. Also, thank you for all the reviews. Keep them coming :)  
Maybe if you guys can keep blowing me away with your awesome comments, I'll have another chapter posted before 2013 (in Pacific Standard Time, though.)


	5. Chapter 5

"Everything looks great, Derek." Dr. Simmons, Derek's neurologist, told him. "Your skull fracture is healing well, the concussion seems to have healed. The amnesia should go away soon."

"It's been weeks. I still don't remember anything." Derek complained. "Is it normal for it to last this long?"

"With amnesia there is no normal. Usually no two cases on the same. It's a combination of neurological and psychological. It varies from person to person."

"Oh..." Derek muttered in disappointment.

"Are you still experiencing pain? Any headaches or dizziness?"

"Sometimes when I get up too quickly or if I stand for too long, or walk too fast or something like then then I'll feel dizzy or get a headache. Addison is usually around to remind me to slow down or sit down or something. She stopped letting me have Vicodin because it makes me really drowsy but when I get a headache she gives me Advil or something. It's not as helpful as Vicodin but it makes the pain more manageable."

"Vicodin does have that effect on some people. If it makes you too drowsy, Addison is right, you should discontinue it, especially because it is addictive." The doctor said in confirmation as he walked with Derek toward the waiting room in his private practice where Addison was waiting for them.

She stood when she saw them coming and smiled to greet the doctor. "Everything okay?" she asked.

"Dr. Simmons says my skull fracture is still healing but the concussion seems to be completely healed. He said the CT looked good." Derek reported.

"And his memory?" Addison asked the doctor.

"I can't say. He is recovering very well so I would expect that the amnesia should start to phase out but I can't give you a specific time frame or anything. As a doctor, you know it might all hit him all of a sudden or it might be gradual and he'll slowly start to remember things. We'll just have to wait to see how it plays out. If Derek is feeling uncomfortable then I can refer you guys to a psychiatrist to see if that would help."

Addison glanced at Derek. "Do you want to see a psychiatrist?" she asked him softly.

"I don't know." he admitted.

"If you are really uncomfortable with the amnesia, if you hate the way things are right now then it might be something worth considering. If you think you can wait it out and just depend on Addison for information then you don't have to see a psychiatrist." the doctor explained. "Or maybe you are comfortable and content but you just want to talk to someone anyway. Whatever you want, really..."

Derek looked at Addison. She was standing there quietly and looking back at him. "I'll think about it." he replied.

"Okay. Just give me a call and I'll send you guys a list of names." Dr. Simmons replied, shaking Derek's hand before the couple walked away.

As soon as they were in the privacy of their car, Derek look at his wife and asked, "What if it never goes away and I'm like this forever. It's been two weeks..."

"Honey, I know I'm an ob/gyn but I've seen many patients with amnesia after accidents, I've seen many kids with it during my peds fellowship before specializing in neonatal. It can last months." she replied softly. "And if you are that worried, seeing a shrink isn't a bad idea."

"Would you be willing to put up with me not remembering 16 crucial years of my life for the rest of our lives? I won't be able to practice medicine, considering I don't even remember med school. I'd have to go back and start over again or find a new career."

"You don't have to work, Derek. You could retire and just take it easy..."

"I'm 36, right? You said we're 36. "

"I said I'm 36, you are 38." she corrected. "And what does it matter? People dream of an early retirement. Plus, you made more money in one year than most people do in a lifetime."

"But I don't remember any of that! In my mind I'd be going right from a 23 year old college senior to a retired person living like a senior. It's way too ironic for my taste."

Addison took her eyes off the road for a second to glance his way. "I don't know what you want me to say." she admitted softly before turning her attention back. The rest of the trip back to the trailer was completely silent.

An hour later she still hadn't said a word to him and he was starting to pick on the fact that something must have been bothering her. "Addie." he piped up quietly, calling her attention away from her laptop. "Are you okay? You haven't said a word since we left the doctor's office."

She folded the screen down to look at him. "It's nothing." she said dismissively.

"I highly doubt that." he replied. "If something is bothering you, you can tell me. We're married. That's how it's supposed to be, right? You're supposed to be able to talk to me."

"I'm doing the best I can."

"What?" Derek asked, unsure of what she meant by that. "I know you are, no one ever said or thought otherwise."

"And with your mom gone now, all the pressure is on me. It's just hard..."

"I realize that."

"I feel like you expect so much from me and I can't do it all and I feel like I'm disappointing you. You seem unhappy and I'm sorry, I really am. I'm doing the best I can to be present and helpful."

"Addison, you have been amazing through this whole thing. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise." he replied softly, moving across the trailer to sit on the couch beside her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. "I am worried that I'm never going remember like 40 percent of my life. It's a scary thought. But you have been incredible and I'm glad I have you through this. There is no way I could have done it alone."

"I'd do anything for you. I thought you would have realized that by now." she replied as she dropped her head on his shoulder.

"I do realize that and I'm grateful." he replied, he momentary considered kissing her but decided against it. He had been very careful with his display of affection. He could tell that Addison loved him deeply, it was obvious and he realized that he was starting to fall for her too.

* * *

Derek woke up in the middle of the night with a throbbing headache. The first thing he noticed was that Addison was not in bed with him despite the fact that he distinctly remembered falling asleep with her cuddled closely to his side. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath to work off the grogginess before he sat up. "Addison?" he called out curiously.

She could have just gotten up to go to the bathroom or maybe she was called into work.

"Addison?" he tried again.

This time she heard him and quickly got up from the couch. "Did you need something?" she ask groggily.

"Were you sleeping on the couch?" he asked, one brow curiously raised as he took in her half-asleep form. "Why?" he asked.

Addison shrugged her shoulders, guilt burned inside her for hiding the truth. She felt uncomfortable sleeping next to him because she knew the real Derek would not want her in his bed. Every night she would go to bed beside Derek but move to the couch as soon as he fell asleep. She woke up early enough to move back and he never suspected a thing. "You were moving around a lot, I figured you needed space to get comfortable so I moved." she lied.

Derek furrowed his brows and shook his head. He lifted the blanket as a gesture for her to get back in bed. "No wonder I got that headache. I can't sleep comfortably when you're not next to me." he commented.

Addison couldn't help but smile as she settled on her side of the bed. She felt him moved close behind her and pull her back to his chest. "Oh..." she murmured after a few seconds. "You said you have a headache. I should have gotten you Ibuprofen before getting in bed."

"Its fine." he said reassuringly. "Its gone now. It was probably just a sign of Addison withdrawals. You're with me now so I should start feeling better now."

She wanted to tell him that that's not possible, that she'd spend most nights on the couch. She didn't want to live with guilt weighing heavy on her conscious.

"Addie." Derek spoke up, cutting her away from her thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something and I was going to tell you in a few days, I was trying to plan something romantic but I don't think I can wait." he admitted. "I love you. You managed to make me fall in love with you all over again and I wanted you to know that. Except I may never remember the first time I said it so I wanted this time to be special and it wasn't. I'm sorry."

"Derek..."

"I'm sorry. I just needed you to know that I love you."

Addison sat up in bed and stared at him in shock. "Derek, you really shouldn't say that."

"Why not? I love you. You are amazing and I don't think I could have gotten passed this if you weren't in my life. You're the only reason I'm trying to move forward."

"I love you too, Derek, more than you'd ever know but that's not the point. I just think that you should give yourself more time before you say things like that."

"I don't need more time." he replied surely. There was a few moments of silence before Derek shrugged his shoulders and said, "Over the last two days I've been trying to remember how the mugging happened. I went through different situations and I realized it could have been so much worse. I'm glad you did not get hurt."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was going the bar after my shift, right? I assume I was going to meet you which means you were already there and the same thing could have happened to you on your way over. Or if we were to go together then we may both have gotten hurt. Imagine how terrible it would be if neither one of us could remember." he explained. "I'm glad you're okay. I don't know how I would handled news like that. I may have personally gone off in search of those bastards to strangle them with my own bare hands."

"Derek, you may not remember this, but you are a neurosurgeon. You took an oath to do no harm. You would never be able to purposefully physically hurt anyone, especially not after what you witnessed with your father."

Derek shook his head, adamantly disagreeing with her. "I would kill anyone and everyone who tried to hurt you." he insisted. "Now go back to sleep, okay? You're probably exhausted from having to put up with me all day."

Addison nuzzled her head against his chest. She could feel his arm wrapped tightly around her to hold her close and it made her stomach churn from the hidden betrayal.

* * *

The next morning Addison told Derek she was going out for a walk but really she just needed to get far enough from the trailer so Derek would not hear the call she had to make to his mother. She paced back and forth around Derek's unpaved and largely unexplored property while waiting for Carolyn Shepherd to answer her phone. As soon as the woman answered, Addison said, "I can't do this anymore."

"Addison?" the woman replied unsurely. "What exactly are you talking about, Dear?"

"I can't keep lying to Derek."

"You're not lying to him. Its not like he's asked if you cheated on him and you denied it. Its not like he's asked if he's dating someone else and you said no. It just hasn't come up in conversation."

"He told me that he fell in love with me again." she whispered. "He had this smile and he looked at me like he used to look at me..." she paused to take a breath. "Did you ever notice that look? Maybe it was all in my head and no one else saw it but there was a certain way he used to look at me and I knew he loved me."

"Honey, one would have to be blind to not see that look you two would give each other." Carolyn answered.

"It just hurts because he'd never look at me like that if he knew the truth. I'm hurting him by keep this from him." Addison somberly murmured into the phone.

"So what are you going to do? Will you tell him the truth or are you going to leave without saying anything and let him figure it out on his own?"

"I would never leave him." Addison murmured. "I'll try to give him a few more days. Never know, he's had weeks to heal, maybe he'll get his memory back in the next 2 or 3 days. The doctor said it should happen any time now. If not, then I'll tell him and we'll take it from."

"Are you sure you want to tell him?"

"I love him too much to continue lying to him. I have to tell him."

* * *

Sorry this took so long everyone. I decided to deleted what I originally wrote for chapters 5, 6, 7 and 8 and it took a while for me to get my new ideas together and start writing.

Let me know your thoughts on the chapter. If you've got ideas for the story, I'd love to hear them. If the idea fits with my vision of the story, I might be able to write it in.


	6. Chapter 6

Most of the first section of this chapter is the brilliant work of living-daydreams because I just can't write smut (or pre-smut, in this case) to save my life.

* * *

"Addie." Derek whispered, pressing a tender kiss to her cheek early in the morning. "Honey, you need to wake up, your phone's been buzzing. I think it's the hospital."

Addison groaned, opening her eyes slightly, only to see Derek wide awake beside her. "Did my phone wake you up?" she asked groggily.

"No, I've been up for a while. Your phone only started buzzing like 5 minutes ago." he answered, holding it out to her so she could take the call. After a short conversation she hung up and he looked at her expectantly. "Well?" he asked curiously. "What did they say? Why are they calling you at 6:30 in the morning? You don't even officially work there."

"They need a consultation, they were asking me to come in." Addison replied with a tired yawn.

"Are you going to go?"

"I told Richard I would try to stop by later today."

Derek grinned at her. "So unless my logic fails me, that means you don't have to get out of bed just yet." His grin slowly turned into a smirk.

Addison shook her head in response, giving him a small smile.

"Good," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her against his chest. "Because I'm not ready to let you go yet." He pressed his lips to her hair, breathing in the smell of her shampoo.

Addison turned over to face him, propped up by her elbow. "Hmm, well what if I said you had to," she bit her lower lip and giggled.

"Well then I would just have to call up your big bad boss and tell him that today, my wife belongs entirely to me…" he whispered, pecking her lips.

Addison giggled some more. "Honey, you do realize that my 'boss' was at some point is your boss too? So you might want to watch your mouth there, tiger."

"Oh but what's the fun in that…" Derek trailed off, leaning in for another kiss. Before long, Addison could feel herself getting lost in the feel of her husband's mouth against hers, his tongue begging for entrance. But before they could go any further, she placed a hand on his chest, silently telling him to pull back.

Derek sighed as his lips separated from his wife's. He glanced into her eyes; that beautiful blue-green that was so easy to get lost in. He didn't understand why she had stopped the kiss, all he knew was that he wanted more, now.

He leaned forward once more, this time a little apprehensively. She looked like she wanted more too, but for some reason she wasn't initiating it. Unable to control himself, he kissed her again, placing a hand on her cheek and rubbing soft circles with his thumb. Addison let out a quiet moan, and although small, that little sound in itself almost sent him over the edge.

"Addie," he whispered into her mouth. "Please."

Hearing her husband plea in such a way was all it took for Addison to respond. Immediately she leaned into him until he took full control and rolled on top of her, settling between her legs. Oh, how good it felt to have her husband touch her, want her, love her.

She wrapped her arms around Derek's neck, running her fingers through his dark curls. Derek smiled down at her with such love that she could almost cry, until he began to leave a trail of kisses down her neck, all the way down to her collar bone. Back when their marriage was solid, Derek knew that neck and collar bone kisses were the easiest way to turn her on – the light, tingling sensation of his lips against her vulnerable skin. Except now, he doesn't remember that.

Right away her mind is brought back to the amnesia. As completely wonderful as this felt, none of it was real, and none of it would be happening if Derek could only remember. But it had been so long since she had felt this kind of pleasure from the man she loves most in the world; it was going to take all of Addison's willpower to stop it.

When his trail of soft kisses moved down past her collarbone towards her breasts and his hands moved to take off her shirt, Addison's eyes grew wider and her heart started to pound.

"Derek." she said softly, pushing back against his shoulders. "We can't do this. Derek, stop."

He gave her a confused look. "We're married, why can't we make love? Addison, I want to make love to you. Why are you so against letting me do something, anything, to express some type of affection toward you?"

"I just don't feel comfortable doing it right now," she murmured quietly and watched as he climbed off of her and fell back onto his side of the bed. She swallowed, willing the lump that had formed in her throat to subside. "I'm sorry," she whispered, turning onto her side facing away from him.

"Are you ever going to feel comfortable?" he asked curiously. "If I never remember anything, is it going to be like this all the time? No sex, minimal affection, pecks are okay but kissing is not...I mean, you act like it wasn't just last night that I caught you sleeping on the couch. You distance yourself from me, Addie, and I want to know why."

"Derek, trust me when I say that I'm doing this for you. One day you'll understand exactly why I'm like this and you'll be grateful for it."

* * *

_"You can't do this, Derek. You can't leave me. It was a mistake. It was just one night." she spoke through her uncontrollable sobs._

_"One night." he scoffed. "You screwed by best friend!"_

_"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. It's never happened before and I will never happen again. I love you! I would never do anything to purposefully hurt you."_

_Derek shook his head. "I can't look at you." he hissed. "I look at you and I actually feel bile raising. It makes want to vomit. Looking at you makes me nauseous."_

_"I'm sorry." she repeated, only this time it was much softer than before._

_"It's over, Addison. We are over. Get out of my house."_

_"Our house." she corrected._

_"Get out of my house." he repeated, roughly pushing her toward the door._

_"Derek, it's three in the morning. I have no where else to go." she told him quietly. _

_"You should have thought about that before you fucked my best friend in my bed." he exclaimed before shoving her outside in nothing but an oversized t-shirt. He didn't care that it was raining and that she would be soaking wet and freezing. He didn't care who would see or what what happen. Or at least he told himself he didn't care. He could see her silhouette through the frosted glass of their front door, he could hear the sobs escaping her and he tried to ignore it but he couldn't. With heavy sigh, he opened the door and pulled her back into the house._

_"You stay, I'll go." he murmured, keeping his distance from her wet body. "I never want to see this house again. I never want to see you again."_

Derek woke up with his heart pounding. He reached for light switch and turned on the lights in the room before sitting up to see Addison asleep beside him. He took a deep breath, trying to contain himself but it didn't help.

"Addison." he said, roughly nudging her side until she woke up.

"What?" she murmured groggily. "Do you have a headache? Do you want me to get you an Advil?"

"I want you to get out of my bed." he said firmly.

"What?" she asked. She was sure that she misheard him but all signs of drowsiness were suddenly gone as she sat up and looked at him in confusion.

"I remember everything."

"Oh..." her voice trailed off. She got out of bed just as he had asked her to and stood there in shock.

"That's all you have to say for yourself?" he asked. "You've been lying to me for weeks! And what's worse is that you had my mother in on it. You seduced me and made me fall in love with you all over again and it was all based on lies!"

"I didn't seduce you. I never did anything to lead you on. I was just here to take care of you. I didn't try to make you fall in love with me. I didn't plan for it, I honestly didn't think you would. I just didn't want to tell you the truth because you'd been hurt enough."

"You didn't bother to think about that fact that it would hurt more later when I remembered everything later? I hated you before for what you did with Mark. But now, this... This is beyond hate, Addison. Right now I loathe you. It is taking so much self control to not physically lash out and hurt you."

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "I was going to tell you, I was. I decided to give you a few more days, if you still didn't remember I was going to tell you at the end of the week. I wasn't going to just keep lying for the rest of our lives if you didn't remember."

"Get out." he firmly restated. "You should have just gone back to New York that night. You should never have come out here to begin with. I came here to get away from you!"

"I couldn't leave that night, you were unconscious and I'm your next of kin. I needed to be there. And as you wife, it was my job to take care of you during this whole thing. You can hate as much as you want but I don't regret anything I did. At least I know you were safe and taken care of."

"Get out." he repeated. "This divorce can't happen soon enough. I can't stand the thought of still legally be tied to someone like you. The fact that you are responsible for me if something happens again... It just needs to end. I don't want you in my life. I'll sign the papers and send them to you ASAP."

"The papers are gone." she told him as she pulled on a pair of jeans and an old college sweater, knowing from experience that she was about to be thrown out into the cold night again.

"What?"

"You put them in your briefcase that night you were mugged and the muggers took your briefcase so the papers are gone." she answered as she filled a small suitcase with her limited selection of clothing she had in the trailer.

"That's fine. I'll have a new set drafted." he responded coldly.

"Okay." she said with a small nod as she carelessly threw the last of her belongings in there without even bothering to fold anything.

"I can't believe I didn't realize it any earlier." he muttered to himself. "That's why there were no pictures of us in here, that's why none of your textbooks were on the shelf, and why your clothes took up less than half of the closet. That's why you and my mom never mentioned Mark.." he paused and glanced at her with a raised brow. "Is Mark the reason you wouldn't sleep with me? You didn't want to cheat on him?"

"No! Mark and I are not together, it was just that one night! I didn't want you to have sex with me that night because I knew the real Derek would have no interest in me. You'd regret it later. I was just here to take care of you, that's it. I told you that night that you'd be grateful later about the fact that I acted unaffectionate and distant. I really was not attempting to seduce you in any way."

"I'm surprised that you put that much thought into it." he commented bitterly. "And here I was thinking you spread you legs every chance you got for anyone who asked."

"Derek, no matter how much you want to blame me for the end of our marriage, it's not all my fault. Yes, I cheated but you drove me to that point." she told him honestly. "You stopped loving me a lot time ago and for the last year you've been nothing more than a monumental asshole." Addison left the bedroom with her suitcase and grabbed her car keys and purse from the couch. Before walking out the door, she took a breath and turned around. "I don't regret what I did, Derek. If I could go back, I would make all the same choices over again."

Derek signed when she walked out the door. His eye caught a glass on the kitchen counter and he grabbed it and threw it at the wall. The next thing to catch his eye was the light shining off the white gold of Addison's watch. He remembered buying the watch for her 34th Birthday which was about the time she completed her final fellowship. Watches had become some type of theme in their relationship. He lost his father over a watch but in his relationship with Addison was built on watches. They had become a symbol of their lives together. A part of him wanted to crush the watch with a mallet to reduce it to nothing but fine power, he wanted, to throw it out the door after her or throw it on the floor and jump on top of it until it was in pieces. Instead, he grabbed the watch and ran out onto the patio to see she was still there getting the suitcase into her car.

"You forgot your watch!" he yelled loud enough for her to hear him.

She ignored him and slammed her trunk shut before getting into the driver seat and quickly speeding away. As soon as she was off of his property, Addison pulled over her rental car to the side of the and promptly burst into tears. She knew realistically that Derek would not be happy with her when got his memory but she had set that fear aside. A fantasy had taken over, causing her to believe that he would remember but he wouldn't care because he would realized he still loves her. Or, Derek would never remember those 16 years but they would be able to move on and the events of those 16 years would never matter. Her blind optimism kept her from preparing for the worst which is how she ended up on the side of the road sobbing hysterically into her steering wheel.

* * *

I've been looking forward to posting this chapter for a while. I know a lot of you have been waiting for this to happen...well, Derek getting his memory back, not throwing Addison out of the trailer in the middle of the night. Also, I changed up the affair scene a little. I hate writing scenes exactly as they happened because A. I feel like I'm copying the show. B. All of you have probably seen every episode and know every Addek scene so there is no point in making you read a scene exactly as it was.

Review puh-lease *insert pouty face here*

And thanks for your continued support with this story. I'm glad I haven't butchered the quality of the writing yet (or maybe I have and no one wants to tell me.) The second you feel the story line is getting sucky you have to tell me, okay? I'm super paranoid about that. Thanks!


	7. Chapter 7

Carolyn reached the end of the hall where she knew Addison's office was located. She was just about to knock on the door when she noticed the nameplate beside the door. The name plate beside the door still read _Addison Montgomery-Shepherd, M.D_ and it broke Carolyn's heart to think about the thoughts that must go through Addison's mind every time she saw that sign. As soon as Carolyn entered the room she saw Addison sitting at her desk in a pair of scrubs with her hair tied back into a messy bun. She'd never seen Addison looking less than perfect until she arrived in Seattle and watched her at Derek's bedside and she never thought she'd see it again.

Addison was not expecting to see her soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law. She stiffened in her chair and looked up to greet the woman with the best smile she could muster. "Hi."

"You, my dear, are very hard to get in touch with." Carolyn responded as she took a seat on one of the chairs in front of Addison's desk. "I have probably called you 20 times over the last few days."

"I'm sorry, I've been busy. I had a lot of work waiting for me as soon as I got back. Lots of patients and paperwork to catch up on. I was going to call you back as soon as I had a chance." Addison answered.

"You never called to tell me that Derek got his memory back."

"I'm sorry." Addison said again. "It all happened kind of fast."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Carolyn asked softly.

"What is there to talk about? It happened almost exactly like I knew it would in the beginning. He remembered everything, expressed the utter loathe the feels toward me, kicked me out and I was on the first flight back to NY. I stopped by home to drop off my stuff, shower and change, came to work and I've been here ever since."

"You've spent two days here?"

"Gotta distract myself somehow. I'm just taking a page out of Derek's book. I guess he knew what he was doing, it's hard to think about your own problems if you find enough work to distract you."

"I thought you were prepared for it though, you had been preparing for that confrontation since you learned about the were practically waiting for it to come."

"I stopped." Addison admitted. "I stopped bracing myself for it when he started treated me like he might actually care about me. I missed getting that kind of attention from him and I thought, maybe, just maybe, everything would work itself out. I thought maybe he'd remember everything but forgive me anyway. Or maybe he would never really remember any of it but I would tell him and he wouldn't care. I got lost in these hopes and I felt so guilty that I stopped preparing myself to be kicked out in the middle of the night again."

"Again?"

"It was almost exactly like the night he caught me with Mark. He expressed his disdain for me then he kicked me out. I really should have seen it coming. I shouldn't have been blindsided. It's my own fault."

"I'm sorry things had to end that way. I wish you had told me. I was surprised to get a call from Derek to suddenly learn that his memory is back and you're not in the picture."

"Is he doing alright?" Addison asked, meeting Carolyn's eyes for the first time.

"He's fine. He's not very happy with me either but he's fine. He was just cleared to go back to work. He says he's getting his life back on track."

Addison nodded understandingly. "That's good." she murmured. "Do you know if he's spoken to his lawyer about drafting new divorce papers? He said he would do it ASAP but I haven't' heard anything yet."

"He didn't mention it. He asked me to get in touch with you about getting some of his things from the Brownstone, if that's alright with you."

"Yeah, sure. I'll probably be here for a while so..." she got up to get her purse, which she had carelessly left on the couch. She pulled out a Chanel keychain with her car key, the house key, and the key to her office. Addison pulled the house key off the ring and handed it over to her mother-in-law. "I'm actually planning to put the Brownstone on the market and I was planning on send him his stuff as soon as I had the chance to start sorting through everything and packing. You can take some things now and I'll ship whatever is left of his."

"You're selling the Brownstone?"

Addison nodded. "I can't live there anymore, the memories are suffocating me." she explained. "Oh, and you can leave the key in the mailbox or under the mat, no reason in coming all the way back here to give it to me."

"Addison, you should know that I'll always be here to talk, should you ever need it. I know you don't have that kind of relationship with your parents so you don't really have anyone to turn to. Just because you're getting divorced does not mean you're excused from the family."

"You didn't even like me up until a month ago." Addison reminded her mother-in-law. "You don't have to start pretending to now."

"I'm not pretending. I was wrong for judging you without taking the time to get to know you. I assumed things because of how you were raised and I was entirely wrong. I'm sorry I didn't see that earlier and I'm sorry things didn't work out with my son."

Addison gave the woman a small appreciative smile.

"I should get going, you have a lot to do." Carolyn said as she got up from the desk and moved toward the door. Before she could step out, she heard Addison call her name and turned back.

"Is he happy now? After all of this, is Derek at least happy?"

Carolyn gave an honest shrug. "I don't know." she admitted.

* * *

Derek frantically pulled out a hand full of socks and underwear from his nightstand drawer. He threw the items on the bed and then reached in for another handful.

"What are you doing, Derek?" Meredith asked from her spot beside the door in the trailer. "We're going to be late for our movie."

"I need my watch." Derek insisted as he continued digging through his drawers.

"Derek, its the the 21ist century. No one really uses a watch anymore. Check the time one your phone if you really need to know what time it is. You can live without your watch for one night."

"But it's not just one night. I don't even remember the last time I saw that watch. I never go anywhere without it. I need my watch. Its important."

"Maybe you lost it."

"I would never lose my watch." Derek told her surely. "It has to be here somewhere."

"Maybe Addison got paranoid after you were mugged so she put it in a safe deposit. You can call her and ask her if you are so determined to find it."

"Its a Cartier watch, Meredith. Its not a couple hundred bucks we're talking about here."

"Since when are you so materialistic?"

"I'm not materialistic!" he exclaimed in aggravation. "You don't understand, you can't understand! This is my watch we're talking about."

"How do you expect me to understand when I've never even heard about this watch before? I remember you had a watch you would always wear but I have no idea where it came from, who made it and what it meant. I thought it was just a watch. I never gave it any further thought."

Derek sighed and shook his head disapprovingly.

"If you want me to know about the watch you have to tell me, Derek. You never tell me anything and you expect me to know. Like the time your wife came, that's the kind of thing you tell the woman you're dating!"

"I can't talk about watches. It makes me emotional."

"Why would it make you emotional? It's a watch, Derek. You use them to tell time."

"Watches do a lot more than just tell time."

"Well, for the price you paid for yours at Cartier it should do more than tell time but it doesn't." Meredith shot back.

Derek groaned in aggravation. "Don't agrue with me about this, please. You know nothing about it."

"Then tell me about it!"

"I can't."

"Then how do you expect this relationship to work?" Meredith asked.

"I don't." he murmured.

"You don't think our relationship will work because I don't understand your obsession with your watch when you've never mentioned anything about it."

"I chose you because you didn't understand the watches, because you have no idea what any of it means. I needed someone who had no idea about any of that. I needed someone different who knew nothing about that part of my life." Derek admitted. "I've only told that story twice. Once to Addison and once to Mark."

"And then they fucked each other so..."

"I told Mark when we were like 10 and I told Addison after we got engaged. The affair had nothing to do with watches. My point is, I don't talk about it. I told the story two times and there was over a ten year gap between the timing."

"Well, it's been over 10 years since you last told it..."

"You won't get it. Because the story has changed since I told it to Mark and Addison. There is so much more to it now. There is a whole new history to watches that didn't exist back when I told them. And you're just not going to get it. "

Meredith gave Derek a dumbfounded stare. "Did that watch have any connection to your sanity? Because there is no sight of that either. You know what, forget the movie. I don't feel like going out. Call me when you're over whatever this is." she said, storming out of the door and slamming it shut behind her.

"It does have a connection to my sanity." he said to himself as he pulled the drawer completely out and turned it upside down over the bed. Without any result, he shoved it back into the nightstand and moved to start digging through his closet.

At the end of the night it looked like a tornado had hit his room and there was still no signs of his watch. He pushed some of his belongings aside and sat at the foot of the bed in defeat. "Fuck." he huffed tiredly. For the next hour he tried to figure out what could have happened to his watch when it finally hit him.

_"Give me the watch."_ The memories came flooding back and the words echoed over and over again his mind. He remembered blurred faces and the cool metal of a gun to his head. He remembered his hesitation to take off his watch. He could not remember anything after that. His right hand unconsciously moved to his left wrist as the thought sunk in that he would never see his watch again.

* * *

1. I was very disappointed with the PP finale yesterday. What the fuck was that? I mean some of it was good, and by some I mean like 5 combined minutes out of the 42 but the rest was such a waste. Ugh...

2. I was holing off on posting this chapter because I wanted to change it but I didn't know how to change it. Some times I read it and loved it and sometimes I read through it and hated it. I would keep putting it off but I don't want to keep you guys waiting because I don't see any ideas striking me anytime soon.

Now I'd love to hear your thoughts on 1. The PP series finale 2. This chapter.  
Thanks :)


	8. Chapter 8

Derek sat on his bed with his phone in his hand. He had no choice but to buy a new one after his mugging, he was trying to replace everything he could, he even tried buying a new watch. It didn't help. He knew calling Addison was the only way to get some sense of clarity but he didn't know how to bring himself to do that. He wished he had an excuse, like not remembering her number, or calling to discover she'd changed her number but he knew it was unlikely that he could forget or that she would change her number.

He finally dialed the number to her number only to discover her cell phone was off. The call went straight to voicemail and that led to the discovery that she had changed her personalized outgoing message to the automated voice that prompted callers to leave a message. He decided against leaving her a message, he knew she was never call him back so he hung up and called the hospital. His mother informed him that she had safely arrived back in New York, that she had immediately gone back to work and planned to sell the the house they once shared. After the secretary directed his call to her office, he anxiously waited for her to pick up.

"Dr. Addison Sh..." she paused before promptly correcting herself. "Montgomery."

"Sh-Montgomery, huh? That's an unusual last name." he commented, trying to start the conversation off on a lighter note.

"Derek." she froze. He was the last person she expected to hear from. "I still haven't gotten divorce papers so don't blame me for the delay." she said defensively.

"I haven't had a chance to talk to my lawyer about a new set of divorce papers that's why you haven't gotten them." he told her. "I've been really busy trying to get everything back on track after you left."

"Oh, okay. Well thanks for letting me know." she replied awkwardly, unsure of how else to end the phone call.

"That's actually not the reason I called."

"Oh, well then why did you call?"

"I bought a new watch." he told her.

"Um, okay. Good for you I guess. What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing, I'm just telling you."

"Derek, this is really awkward for me, you have to understand that. The last time we spoke you were telling me you hate me and that you want nothing to do with me and now you called to have a civilized conversation? I can't do that, Derek. I'm glad you were able to move on so quickly but I'm still trying to get passed it and acting like nothing happened is not going to help me."

"It feels weird. It feels like I'm cheating on my old watch." he admitted. "I couldn't find my old watch. I felt strange without it so that's the first thing I replaced but it didn't help. How are you doing without your watch?"

"Would you like me to repeat myself, Derek?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make this harder for you. I just don't know how to proceed. It's weird, not having you around and a new watch, it's like that whole period of time was just in my head. I was just wondering how you're dealing with it."

"You want to know how I'm dealing with it? I'm not going home. Because that house has 11 years worth of memories that I can't face. I try not to think about you or our past and you mom is constantly coming around to check on me and that doesn't help me forget. Sometimes I miss the days when she hated me."

"She told me you're selling the house."

"Yeah, I'll send you a check for half of whatever we make on it."

"Actually, I was thinking of buying out your half." he answered. "I love the Brownstone."

"You want the house where your adulterous bitch of a wife did your best friend in your bed?"

"You make it sound like that's all that happened in that house."

"That's certainly the only memory you've cared to vocalize recently." she reminded him.

"Look, Addison, making this call wasn't exactly easy for me. A lot happened between us and we've both hurt one another but I need that house."

"Why?"

"Because my watch was a part of us and that's gone now. I tried buying a new watch, I didn't work. I tried your watch but my wrist was too big, I walked around with your rings in my wallet, it didn't help. I need to a way to hold on to that part of my life and I think having the house would be the only way to do that. I can't stand the thought of someone else wearing my watch and I can't stand the thought of other people living in that house."

"You can have the house, I don't really care." Addison told him with a careless shrug of her shoulders. "I have to go, Derek, I've got a lot of work that needs to be done and patients that need to be seen." she added and hung up the phone before Derek could respond.

* * *

The last person Carolyn expected to see at her front door was Addison. She had seen Addison a few times since she arrived back in New York and made sure to call every few days to check up on her. A visit to Connecticut had not come up in their last conversation and she was not expecting to see Addison at her front door. She smiled as she let her soon-to-be ex-daughter-in-law into the house.

"Just put it down anywhere. You didn't have to drive all the way to Connecticut to drop off the rest of Derek's stuff, dear." she told her. "I would have picked it up the next time I was in town."

"It's fine. I took a few days off work so I had the time." Addison explained. "I have a couple more boxes in the car. Let me grab those to leave with you then I'll be on my way."

"No. No rush." Carolyn answered, ushering the woman toward the kitchen. "Coffee or tea?"

"Water. I really don't have much time so..."

"How are you doing, Addie? Everything okay?" Carolyn responded as she placed a glass of water in front of Addison at the kitchen counter.

Addison nodded her head. "I think it's starting to get better. I spoke to Derek a week ago. We is going to take the Brownstone, he doesn't want to sell it. So that's a huge load off my mind."

"You guys spoke?" Carolyn asked, sounding highly surprised.

"Yeah, he called me." Addison explained. "He bought a new watch. That's what he called to tell me."

"And?"

"I don't know. I don't know what he expected me to say." Addison admitted. "I realize that it's hard on him too and that he's adjusting but he's the one who made this decision. He's the one that kicked me out and told he wants nothing to do with me. I'm just starting to get passed that. I can't handle pleasant phone calls about watches as if none of that ever happened."

"He hasn't called me this week but I'll talk to him about leaving you alone. You're right. You need your space. You're just starting to do better."

"Oh, no, I didn't mean to get your involved. God..." she trailed with a heavy sigh."You're his mother, what am I doing here? Why would I rant to you of all people? I'm so sorry." she said as she got up to leave.

Carolyn grabbed her hand before she could walk away and gestured for her to sit down again. "It's okay, honey, you need to be able to talk to someone. I won't mention anything to Derek if that's what you want."

"I'm glad he's moving on, or trying to move on. And I guess it's sweet that he wants the house because he doesn't want anyone else living here. It's sweet that he wants to keep the watch thing going but I can't do it. I need all of it go away. I can't live with the memories. So we're dealing with it in the opposite ways."

"Whatever works best for you, Dear. He can't tell you how to deal with this." Carolyn replied.

"I really appreciate all the support, Mrs. Shepherd, but what I mean to say is that I can't continue like this. I need to put my failure of a marriage behind me and I can't do that if I have so much of him still in my life. I see you and I think of him and I can't be thinking of him...I'm sorry. I realize how rude this is and I'm really sorry but I'm trying to move forward."

"It's fine, dear. Don't worry about it." Carolyn told her softly. "Do what you have to do and I'll make sure Derek doesn't do anything stupid to make this anymore complicated than it has to be."

* * *

A month had gone by Addison was finally able to take steps in moving on with her life. She moved into a luxury apartment and spoke to a divorce lawyer to draft papers since Derek didn't seem to show any progress in that department. She was finally learning to put her passed with him behind her. Sometimes she thought about Derek, she found it endearing that he was desperately trying to hold on to the past but at the same time she couldn't understand it. Why go out of your way to hold on to so many bad memories?

She was determined to just pretend like those 15 years with him never actually happened. That's why she easily gave up the Brownstone where so many of the best and worst memories of their marriage were set. Out of sight, out of mind, she told herself as she walked down the hall from the ER toward the elevator with a long time co-worker.

"You seem to be doing better." the woman commented with a smile.

Addison nodded and smiled back at her. "Yeah, it's been getting better. I found a lawyer and she's drafting up a new set of papers so that's been a really big step forward."

"Plus that bitchin' apartment you managed to snag in Manhattan. Have you seen the view that place has, Addison? You can everything! Everything."

Addison laughed at nurse's enthusiasm. "I'm aware. I was the one that chose the place and I do live there so..."

"I was just making sure." the woman answered. "I'm almost tempted to set you up with someone. I just need to think of who that someone is."

Addison laughed and shook her head. "I think it's a bit too soon to be set up."

"Are you sure about that? Because I just came up with someone. Do you know Will from Peds? It's kind of perfect. You're neonatal, he's peds...You guys could pioneer some incredible procedure for little ones together and be all amazing all the time. You can go to your apartment and stand by those big glass walls and stare out at the city and talk about how adorable your babies would be... or, if the weather allows, you can go out on the balcony and try to make a baby. You're on like the 50th floor of the building and you own the whole fucking floor, there are no neighbors to worry about. No one would hear you. No one would see you... "

"Denise, the ink on my divorce papers isn't even dry yet... in fact, there is no ink on them at all because the lawyer is not done with them. It might be a bit early to be thinking about babies with other men."

"Addison, you obviously don't know which Will I'm talking about. The man looks like he was special ordered from a catalog of sexy men. There is nothing wrong with him. Nothing."

"I'll keep him in mind after the divorce."

Denise shook her head in disappointment. She was just about to respond when her pager went off. "That would be me and I am needed back in the pit. I will meet you in the cafeteria for lunch."

"Kay." Addison responded before her friend could take off running toward the ER.

She continued down the hall toward the elevator and she was about to turn a corner when she ran right into a man just barely taller than she was. "I'm sorry." she quickly apologize, straightening out her skirt while the man kneeled down to pick up all the files she had dropped.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly as he held the files out to her.

His voice, the his familiar scent and he feeling of his touch all brought back a rush of memories as Addison finally directed her attention toward identified the man she had run into. "I uh..." she started, stuttering as her eyes met his. She took a step back and took a breath to help compose her thoughts into actual words. "I uh, I...I have to go."

* * *

Update: Week 1 without Private Practice has been hell. Withdrawals are seriously getting out of control. Old episodes are not cutting it. How are you guys doing without it so far?

I don't know why but this chapter was really difficult to write. I have been trying for like a week and I kept deleting it and starting over. Now I have a serious question for you guys. Was Addison too mean to Carolyn? Because she's basically told her to fuck off and I didn't know how to put that nicely lol. No kidding, I momentary considered just writing "With all due respect, I just need you to fuck off." I'm also trying to make Derek less of a douche but I'm not sure how well that went in this chapter. Now you see why I kept rewriting it? I'm too indecisive for my own good.

And I should probably stop rambling now. No wait, one more thing: REVIEW. Thanks :)


	9. Chapter 9

"My ex-husband is here." Addison muttered as she dropped her tray on a table at the cafeteria and took a seat across her friend Denise. "Well, we haven't even filed for divorce so I guess he's my husband, not my ex-husband."

"I know, he asked me if I knew where you were. He's been looking for you." Denise replied. "Of course, I'm on Team Addison so I get my kicks with Derek where I can. I told him you were taking care of something in the lab...which is all the way on the other side of this very large hospital; you were actually in the ER like 100 feet away. Then he came back and asked again and I told him you were in the ER, but you were really in your office."

Addison laughed as she poked the slice of meatloaf with her plastic fork. "I'm actually afraid to eat this. It looks burned horse meat."

"Yeah, I got the last BBQ chicken wrap which I knew you would want." Denise said with a large grin. "But you have fun with whatever that is."

"You keep laughing. You forget that I'm the head of the department. You could be changing catheters for pregnant women for the next month...then I'll be laughing." Addison replied with an equally large grin. She pushed the questionable wad of ground meat to the side and started eating her mashed potatoes.

"You wouldn't do that to me. You reserve that for interns who annoy you and nurse who talk shit behind your back. You love me too much to do that to me. Remember, I'm the one that has your husband walking in circles looking for you."

"You got me there."

"Why is he even here? Doesn't he have an underage girlfriend in Seattle who needs to be fed and have her diaper changed regularly?"

Addison couldn't help but laugh hysterically. "He's probably here to complain about his damn watch again." she said with an eye roll. "It's like he's got an obsession with that damn thing or something. He can talk about it for hours."

"Oh, fuck. He found you." Denise murmured as she looked over Addison's shoulder. "He's walking toward you. Act natural."

Addison dropped her fork into her plate and turned back to see him coming toward her.

"I said act natural, not turn around and look!"

As Derek came he stood beside her table, giving Denise a silent glance. "You were lying the whole time, weren't you?" he asked her suspiciously.

"I'm gonna get back to work." Denise decided and quickly got up from the table to leave the couple alone.

"No, you're not. You can't leave me here." Addison spoke up, reaching out to grab Denise's arm to stop her from walking away.

"I'll do catheters for as long as you want me to as long as you don't make me stay here during this." Denise replied before quickly taking off to avoid interaction with the estranged spouses.

"Since when are you friends with nurses?" Derek asked as she took her seat.

"We've been friends for years, Derek. You just never cared enough to pay attention." Addison replied.

"I really don't feel like fighting with you right now over this, Addison."

"Then why are you here? You come here and expect everything to be all nice and friendly? It's not. It's never going to be. We're getting divorced. I'm trying to move on. And every time I take a step forward, every time I think I might be able to actually be happy, you pop up and I'm right back where I started. Alone and miserable. I can't be your sounding board anymore You can't turn to me every time something doesn't go your way."

"My mom had a heart attack, Addison. That's why I'm here. That's why I've been looking for you. I thought you'd want to know." Derek replied, pushing the chair back to get up and walk away before she could say anything in response.

Addison sat back, jaw dropped, as she digested Derek's statement. She's undoubtedly grown closer to her mother-in-law in recent months. The woman had been there for her and paid attention to her when she had no one and yet she didn't pay enough attention to her mother-in-law to realize something could be wrong.

* * *

She stood outside the door staring into the room, watching Derek and his four sisters just silently sitting in the hospital room waiting for their mother to wake up from anesthesia. She didn't want to walk into the ruin moment and interrupt their family so she stood out there and continued watching through the window. She couldn't help but think about the fact that she'd never have that. With a divorce in the works and no children, Addison had no one. No one depended on her for anything and no one would really miss her if something were to happen to her. She wouldn't have a hospital room full of people praying mercilessly for a happy ending. She turned her back to the family and drew in a sharp breath to keep herself from crying at the thought. After all, it was her own fault that her life had ended up that way.

"Addison." she heard a familiar voice say from behind her. She turned to see Amelia, her youngest sister-in-law, standing by the door. "Wanna come in? Mom would want you here when she wakes up."

Addison shook her head. "She'd want to be with her family." Addison disagreed. "I'll come back later to see her. How is she doing? Did the surgery go well?"

Amelia nodded. "Yeah, they had to do a bypass. Can you believe that? We didn't even know there was a problem and she needed open heart surgery. But her surgeon says she should make a full recovery."

"That's good." Addison murmured with a nod. "I'm really sorry I didn't notice something was wrong. I should have realized it."

"You can't be serious right now. You know that you could not have seen this coming. There is nothing you could have done." Amelia told her softly. "This is not your fault in any way and you can't blame yourself."

"I'm doctor. I am supposed to know these things."

Amelia shook her head. "I realize that you are like some type of god in the world of medicine and that you think there are no limits for you, but contrary to what you may believe, you are not magical enough to be a human angiogram. You can't detect someone who is at risk for a heart attack based solely on social interaction." she said sarcastically.

Addison laughed just slightly. "I miss your filter-less sense of humor."

"I'm not filter-less. I just call it like I see it. People just say I have no filter because they don't like what they hear." Amelia said in her defense before the two settled in silence for a few seconds before Amelia looked up to meet Addison's eyes and ask,"How are you doing, Addie? It's been a while since we've had one of our long, limitless, heart to heart conversations. I get all my updates through Mom now. It's not the same."

"I'm okay." Addison replied, forcing a perfectly convincing but deceitful smile on her face. She really wasn't okay. She was fine before Derek (and the entire Shepherd family) showed up in New York, in her place of work specifically. She knew that would be a major set back in her desire to move forward with her life. She knew that she was going to have to learn to avoid them for the sake of her emotional well being.

"I used to spend more time with you than I would with all my sisters combined; you don't actually think I believed that, do you?" Amelia retorted.

"I'm fine, Amy. I got my own place, I'm learning to get by on my own. It's been hard but I'm getting the hang of it and I'm happy." Addison elaborated convincingly.

"That's good. You should really stop by when you have a chance, Addie. Mom would really love to see you. And I know you might not believe me but you are a part of her family. You're just as much her daughter as I am." she mentioned.

"Amelia, your mother couldn't even stand having me in the same room with her before Derek's accident, let alone in the same family."

"Yes, but after the accident it has been 'Addison this.' and 'Addison that.' I mean, I feel like the divorce has been pretty amicable so far but if things get ugly and everyone gets divided off into teams, she'd be the captain of Team Addison."

"You probably should't repeat that in front of your brother."

"My brother knows." Amelia replied with a careless shrug. "Mom makes it so obvious that you'd have to be in a coma or something not to notice."

"That's not good. I feel bad for Derek, I'm sure he's going through a rough time too. He needs his family."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Derek has his own way of dealing with things. Apparently they stole the watch you bought him when you got engaged. So he went out and bought a new one thinking about that help fill some kind of void. That's all he talks about. He's constantly bitching about how it's not the same. I'm almost annoyed enough to slap him or take that new watch and shove so far up his ass that it'll never see the light of day again. I just can't hear about that damn thing anymore." she ranted. "I hope they give Mom morphine when she's up. It'll be fun. I'm excited to see her a little high. She might tell Derek to get the fuck over it."

Addison laughed against and shook her head.

"Filter?" Amelia asked knowingly.

Addison shook her head again. "No, I like you with no filter. It's more amusing."

* * *

Addison had done a great job of avoiding Derek and everyone in his family while they were at Mount Sinai. It wasn't easy but she learned to turn away before anyone could see her and she learned to not to look people in the eye while walking so they won't notice her. But now she stood outside her soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law's room with a manila envelope in her hand. Carolyn was asleep and Derek was alone inside watching TV. It was the perfect time.

With a deep breath, she walked into the room and held the envelope out to him. "I have the divorce papers since you never got around to doing them." she explained, pulling a pen from the breast pocket of her lab coat. "Just sign it, please."

"Right now?"

"I just want this to be over, Derek." Addison murmured. "I want to be able to move on."

"My mother is recovering from major surgery and you think this now is the best time for this? It's not."

"There is never going to be a good time for this, Derek. We're getting divorced, it's not a pleasant process." Addison retorted. "Just sign it and I'll be over and we can both move on."

"Addison, I don't want to deal with this right now. I got the new watch and my mom had a heart attack, it's just too much to deal with. I'll sign them over the next few days, just let me digest this a little more." he answered, setting the manila envelope on top of his coat and handing her pen back to her. "But thank you for taking care of the paperwork. I just got really busy in Seattle, that's why I haven't had time."

"Whatever, Derek, I really don't care to hear excuses at this point. And I don't have time to waste waiting anymore. Sign the damn things ASAP, like today if possible, and get them back to me." she said firmly, before turning to leave the room. She stopped just shy of the door and turned around. "How is your mother doing?"

"She's doing better. The surgery went well and she's recovering nicely. I'm thinking about taking her back to Seattle with me to keep an eye on her. I don't want her on her own out here anymore."

"She's never going to leave Connecticut for you, Derek. Her life is there. Her husband is buried there. She's got a house there where she raised 5 brilliant children on her own. She won't leave those memories no matter how much they hurt."

"Maybe you should take a note."

"Excuse me?"

"You moved out of the Brownstone and you're living in some modern, spacious sky rise with the perfect view but there is no sentimental value to it...You left the house we filled with memories."

"You left the fucking state to get away from those memories, Derek, and you expect me to stay in the house?" Addison asked incredulously. "Those memories hurt so much that you physically removed me from your life when you remembered them after the accident. I think it's hypocritical of you to judge my choice to move."

"I may have left but my watch was my tie to the passed. Those were the memories I took with me. The good memories. That's why I hate knowing it's gone." Derek tried to explain. "I know the new one is never really going to replace it and that kills me."

"The watch had no meaning anymore. The marriage was over, Derek. It's over. The watches, the houses, all of those memories are ruined. We are never going to look at watches or Brownstones or each other the same way again. We're never going to be friends. Any chance at any relationship between us is gone. That's how badly it ended. So stop pretending that we have something to hang on to. We don't. It's over."

"The watch still had meaning." Derek murmured, taking offense by that statement.

"How could the watch mean anything if the person who gave it to you means nothing to you?" Addison rhetorically asked him before leaving the room.

* * *

I'm sorry for the huge delay in posting this chapter. I don't think I've ever gone this long without updating. Sadly things at school have gotten really, really crazy and it leaves little time for almost everything else. I try to get writing done in class or one weekends but this time writer's block got the best of me. I'll try not to keep you guys waiting this long for the next chapter. It would help tremendously if you guys can let me know what expectation you have for the story from this point on. What would you like to see? How would you like the Addek relationship to progress?

Reviews are highly appreciated and motivating ;)


	10. Chapter 10

Derek sat in the cafeteria late that night with the divorce papers in front of him and his new watch on the table beside them. He forced himself to wear it to fill the emptiness but it simple did not fill the void. He gripped the black pen in his hand and kept his eyes focused on the line meant for his signature. Her signature was already there, his last name at the end of her flowing script taunting him. He didn't even notice when she walked into the room, let alone approach his table.

"Hey." She greeted him softly. "It late, what are you still doing here?"

"It's my turn to stay with Mom tonight. Last night was Amelia, the night before that was Nancy, tonight it's me, and tomorrow it's Kathleen."

"What about Lizzie?"

"She's staying at Lizzie's place after she's discharged so we worked her out of the rotation." Derek explained. "Besides, I could ask you the same thing. Why are you here so late?"

"I work here." Addison reminded him. "I'm on call tonight. I just got out of a four hour emergency surgery and I'm starving. I wanted to grab something quick to eat then I have post-op notes waiting for me. Assuming I don't get paged but we all know I'm not that lucky."

"The kitchen is closed." Derek informed her. "Unless you want vending machine food…" he trailed off, looking over his shoulders at the large variety of vending machines behind him.

"Cup noodles." Addison vaguely replied as she fed her dollar into one of the machines.

"Since when do you eat those? They're full of sodium and sodium makes you bloat."

"I've always eaten these, Derek. I used to eat them all the time in med school during test weeks. It's my go to option when I'm low on time. You just never noticed."

"I guess not. I'm sorry I didn't pay enough attention." He agreed. "I guess that's how we ended up here." He said, gesturing to the divorce papers in front of him.

"It's okay, Derek, what's done is done."

"I would change it if I could go back." he told her honestly. "I would be attentive and caring and I wouldn't allow myself to be indifferent. I guess if you trace it back to the beginning I was the domino that tipped and started the chain."

"Why are you even looking at the divorce papers in the cafeteria at 11:30?"

Derek shrugged. "I wanted to get them back to you ASAP and I couldn't do it with my mom in the same room. You are suddenly like her favorite person. She might have another heart attack if she saw these."

"You make it sound like this isn't what you wanted."

"Well that's because I don't know if this is what I want." He admitted.

"Derek, it's what you want. It is. You don't want me in your life. You are not in love with me anymore, if you ever were to begin with." Addison patiently responded to him. "You are just afraid of change and you don't need to be. You've already moved on and started a new life without me and you love that lifestyle."

"You don't know that."

"I do know that. Before your accident, before the amnesia, you hated having me in Seattle. And as soon as your memory came back you hated the fact that I was there with you. If that's not enough proof for you then you're in denial."

"I wasn't thinking clearly at the time. I was angry with you. I've had a chance to cool off." He explained. "I had a lot of time to think after I realized the watch was gone."

"Honey, the watch really means nothing. It was just a watch. You have to get that idea out of your head." She remarked softly.

"You just called me honey." Derek pointed out.

Addison blushed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. Force of habit. If I learned anything in Seattle it's that you don't like me calling you honey. It was an accident." She explained herself nervously with her cheeks still tinted red.

"I don't mind, you don't have to apologize." He responded. There was a period of silence but just as Addison was about to walk away Derek broke it. "You're wrong about the watch, you know?"

"Of course I am. I'm always wrong about everything I think in regards to our marriage." Addison replied somewhat bitterly despite the fact that the rest of the conversation had been very civil.

"The watches still mean something. I'm always going to care about that watch because I'm always going to care about the person who gave me that watch. I may not have the damn thing anymore and I may be about to sign away all ties to the woman who gave it to me, but it still means something to me. And I know you don't care about yours anymore but I do, and having that is a little comforting since mine is gone."

"You're always going to care about me?" Addison questioned skeptically, one brow raised as she posed the question.

"Yeah, of course."

"Is that why you threw me out in a strange city in the middle of the night? Because you cared so much?"

Derek sighed heavily. "I'm really sorry about this." He said honestly. "I'm trying to do whatever it takes to show you how sorry I am for the way I treated you. Just work with me, please. Give me a chance to show you that I'm sorry and that I'm serious about making this work."

Addison met his eyes unsurely. She loved him, there was no question about it, but she was afraid of trusting him, she was afraid of being left broken hearted. "I don't know. I need some time to think about it."

"Okay." He agreed eagerly. "I'll be around for awhile with my mom. We all took a few weeks off to be with her. Just let me know what you decide. If you give me the chance then I'll stay here with you. Just promise me you'll seriously consider it."

"I'll let you know in a few days."

* * *

"You look quite jovial, Dr. Shepherd." Carolyn said with a smile when her son walking into her hospital room. "Where have you been and what have you been doing?" she inquired.

"I was with Addison and we were talking." He answered, taking a seat on a chair beside her bed.

"And things went well, I assume judging by that smile on your face."

"It was good. We actually heard one another and she promised to consider giving me another chance."

"Derek…" she trailed off. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"I'm pretty sure, Mom. She's my wife. Why wouldn't it be a good idea?"

"Because I don't want to see you two hurt one another again. It was hard seeing both of you so brokenhearted and Addison was finally starting to move on and you were too. If you are not sure about your feelings for her, or if she's unsure about how she feels about you then don't do this. It's not worth the pain."

"I know I love her." He said surely. "And I'm pretty sure she loves me."

"I hope it works out for you, Derek, I really do."

"Don't worry about my marriage, okay?" Derek told him mother. "It's hard and it's complicated but the love is still there and I'll do whatever it takes to show her that we belong together. You just focus on your recovery. All of us want nothing more than for you to get better."

"Addison doesn't really care what happens to me, Derek."

"Of course she does, it's just hard for her to have us all here after everything she did to move on with her life. If she decides to give me the chance, I'm sure she'll come see you. In fact, you might not being able to get rid of her. Until then she's just trying to protect herself."

Carolyn nodded understandingly. "I'm sure having all of your estrange husband's family running around your place of work would be difficult midst divorce proceedings."

"She won't have to be in the middle of divorce proceedings if she doesn't want to be."

"Just let her think this over, don't rush her. Don't be in her face constantly asking for an answer." His mother advises, "Something like this needs to be thought through thoroughly."

"You sounds like you want her to turn down my offer."

"I don't want her to turn you down, I just don't want to see you two getting hurt again." Carolyn repeated. "Other than that, you have my blessing to do whatever you want with your relationship."

* * *

Two days after her talk with Derek, Addison got a call from the Cartier store in Manhattan, the same store she'd purchased Derek's watch from. They asked her to come in, telling her they have something that might belong to her. Addison was too curious to put off the task, she went during her lunch break and was quickly escorted to the manager's office.

"Is something wrong?" she asked unsurely. She hadn't made a purchase at the story in years. She couldn't think of any reasons for them to be calling her in.

"We had a pawn shop contact us about what they believed was a stolen product to see if the seller was the registered owner, we checked our system and discovered that you are the registered owner of that watch." He explained. "The owner of the pawn shop contacted authorities who took the product and arrested the man trying to sell. After finger printing it, they sent it back to us to return it to the rightful owner. Your phone number and address have changed but you paid with a credit card so we contacted Visa to see if we can get your updated information."

"And they gave it to you so easily?"

"No, it took a bit of convincing but we really wanted to get your watch back to you, Mrs. Shepherd." The man explained to her. "We're notorious for your customer service. We have to be to uphold a brand like this."

"You have the watch I bought for my husband?" Addison asked in disbelief. She was sure no one would ever see that watch again. She could already imagine how ecstatic Derek would be to have it back.

The man removed the newly polished watched from a locked desk drawer. He held the new box (to replace the old, lost one) out to Addison, who took it and opened the signature red box to inspect the contents.

"Oh my god, this is actually my husband's watch…" she trailed off.

"Was it stolen?"

Addison nodded. "He was mugged and the watch was taken." She explained. "He lost his memory after the incident but the fact that his watch was taken bothers him more than anything else to do with what happened."

"It was a little scratched up so we polished it and fixed it up. I'm sure he'll be relieved to have it back and looking like nothing ever happened to it."

Addison smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I can't even begin to explain how much this watch means to him."

"Anniversary present?"

"Med school graduation present. But he proposed that day so it became an engagement present. He's worn it almost every day ever since. He says he feels like a part of him was missing with the watch gone. He bought a new one to fill the void but he says it wasn't the same."

"Well, in that case I'm glad we were able to get it back to you safely."

Later that night Addison sat in bed in her new condo with the watch in her hands. She clasped it around her wrist and continued staring at it. It had always been too big on her but she wore it on occasion. She thought the masculinity of the watch was a good contrast against her usually highly feminine style. She honestly never thought she'd see it again. Addison Montgomery was not one to believe in signs but her estranged husband's prized watch had just returned from the depth of the unknown and was safely in her hands. That had to say something for their relationship. They lost themselves, but may they would always be able to find their way back together.

The next afternoon she stood in the doorway of her mother-in-law's hospital room watching all five of the Shepherd siblings with their mother. With Carolyn's condition improving by the day there was less stress and more joking and laughter than there had been in the beginning.

"Addison." Carolyn noticed from her bed, causing everyone to turn and look toward the door.

Addison smiled at the woman but quickly glanced toward her only son, "Derek, can I talk to you?" she asked.

Derek nodded and got up from his seat in the corner of the room where one of his nephews was seat on his lap. He turned the three year old over to Amelia and stepped out of the room to follow Addison into a vacant conference room. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Addison pulled the signature Cartier red box from the pocket of her lab coat and held it out to him.

"What is this?" Derek asked, reaching to take the box and open it. "You bought me a new watch identical to the old one?"

"No, that's the original watch."

"Have you had it all along?" Derek asked, looking up from the watch to meet her eyes.

"No. Cartier called me yesterday. Someone tried to pawn it for money. They called Cartier to verify that it was not stolen and saw that it was registered to me. So they arrested the seller, took the watch and shipped it to the location I bought it from then they made sure it was returned to the rightful owner."

Derek was obviously speechless. He quickly pulled the watch out of the box and secured it on his bare wrist. After a few seconds, Derek pulled Addison into a tight hug but pulled away as soon as he realized what he had done. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"It's okay, I saw it coming. I knew you'd be excited. I'm glad I could get it back to you. If all else fails, at least you've got your priceless watch."

"Addie, it's not the watch that's priceless. It's the story. Even more so now, considering that I got it back after everything."

Addison nodded. "Yeah, I caught that symbolism too." She admitted. "But I don't really believe in signs so I don't know if it means something or it was just a coincidence that things worked out the way they did."

Derek took a deep breath before meeting Addison's eyes again, "Have you thought about it?"

"I have." she confirmed.

"Do you have an answer?"

"I do but I don't think it's a good time to talk about that right now." she replied softly. "I just wanted to get your watch back to you."

"Addison, I need to person who gave me the watch more than the actual watch. I appreciate that everyone went through so much trouble and I'm glad to have it back but I want you back too and I'm afraid that you won't give me the answer now because you don't want to ruin the moment."

Before she could reply, Addison's cell phone went off. She looked down to check the page before looking up at him again. "It's the ER, I have to go."

* * *

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this chapter. I like the last half, but I'm iffy about the first half because I think Derek's proposal for a second chance was too out of the blue. I tried to change it but I couldn't think of a better way to do it. Let me know your thoughts on that. Oh, and alert me to any typos I may have missed. I drive myself crazy with the typos I make sometimes.

I should also warn you guys, there are 1 or 2 more chapters to come.

Thanks for reading :)  
Please take a minute to review.


	11. Chapter 11

Derek patiently waited for his answer for two weeks after Addison had returned his watch. Every day he thought he'd get a phone call from her and that call never came. When he ran into her at the hospital during his mom's check-ups, he would smile without pressuring her into talking to him. He didn't realize that he wouldn't be getting any answer until he stood in the terminal at JFK waiting to board his flight back to Seattle where he knew he'd await divorce papers.

His first night back at the trailer was cold and uncomfortable, the bed in his four star hotel for over a month caused him to forget life in a cramped trailer with a lumpy bed. His eyes were fixed on the digital alarm clock which told him it was 3:26 am and he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep considering he was supposed to be at work by 7. When he heard a soft knocking on the door he was sure that it was just in his head so Derek didn't make a move until the knocking became persistent and louder.

Deep down inside, Derek was pretty scared. After being mugged, he feared that his attacker was waiting to finish him off. "Who is it?" he called from with his phone in his hand with 911 already dialed. All he had to do was hit "call" and someone would be there to help him if needed.

"It's me!" he heard a very familiar voice call back. "I'm freezing out here, Derek, hurry up!"

Derek got out of bed and quickly moved to open the door but he stood in front of it and stared at her in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked in exchange.

"No."

"Then let in. I'm cold and I'm getting wet because it's always raining in this damn city."

Derek stepped aside and let her into the trailer. He closed the door behind him and went to retrieve a blanket from the cabinet above the bed. "Here, it's pretty chilly in here too. My heater is useless compared to central heating."

Addison had left her small suitcase but the door and put her purse down on the table to wrap the blanket around herself. "I've been trying to get in touch with you for a while." She admitted.

"What are you talking about? I just got back today. If you had something to say to me you could have easily told me while I was in New York, you didn't have to come out here."

"I tried. Your sisters were trying to protect you and me. They said that I should just leave you alone so we can both move on. They wouldn't tell me where you were staying and I called around but couldn't get any hotel to tell me. I would have spoken to you at the hospital when you brought your mom in to see her doctor but I was being paged and I had no time. I tried your cell phone but I had the old New York number that you had disconnected after you got to Seattle…" Addison paused and looking into his eyes. "I tried."

"And the easiest way was to come after me?"

She nodded. "I called to check on your mom and she accidently let it slide that you were on your way back to Seattle. Finding you in Seattle would be easy, I knew you'd be here or the hospital."

"And you hopped on a plane and came after me."

Addison nodded her head in confirmation. "I needed to talk to you." She mumbled with a shrug.

"I'm listening."

"I flew across the country for you, isn't that enough to get the message across?" she asked in return.

"I guess." Derek whispered in response and awkwardly stood there in front of her. "Are you still cold?" he asked. "I can make tea or hot cocoa to warm you up."

"I'm okay, I just wanted to see you and tell you that I don't want it to be over between us and now I should go find a hotel. I'm exhausted, I need some sleep. I couldn't sleep on the plane. This situation kept playing out in my head. I wasn't sure how you would feel about seeing me here again. "

"You could stay with me, you know." Derek offered. "It's not the greatest mattress in the world but I'm sure it beats any nearby Inn. Plus the blanket is pretty cozy to it makes up for the mattress. We could cuddle up under there and share body warmth." He suggested.

Addison considered the offer for a few seconds before nodding. She watched as he walked over to the closet and to pull out a pair of satin women's pajamas.

"You left this here." He informed her. "At least I think you left it here. I don't really remember much that went on while I had amnesia, I don't know what you were wearing to bed."

"They're mine." She replied, reaching to take it from him. She stepped into the bathroom to changed and came out to find him in bed waiting for her. A part of her was hesitant about climbing into that bed with him but she did it anyway, doing her best to stay on her side with her eyes closed. They popped open when she felt Derek wiggle toward her and pull her back toward his chest.

"You comfortable?" he asked softly.

"I'm trying." She whispered.

"Trying? Why, what's wrong?"

"The last time we were happily cuddled in this bed, you woke up and kicked me out. I'm just… I don't know, it's in my head and I'm trying to push that thought aside. I'm trying to convince myself it won't happen again." She admitted.

"It won't." Derek promised. "I want you here."

Addison let out a heavy sigh and nodded her head.

"Addie," Derek started. "Look at me."

She wiggled out of his arms and turned to face him in bed.

"I know I've hurt you in the past and I'm sorry about that but I will not hurt you again, okay? We're moving on from those mistakes. We can't erase them, despite how much I wish we could. We have to learn to trust one another and move on."

Addison nodded her head.

"I trust you. I know you'd never purposefully do anything to hurt me. I know that you love me and I know you know that I love you more than anything in this world." He told her. "But I know you're afraid of getting hurt and I promise never to purposefully hurt you. You just need to learn to trust me again, okay?"

"I do trust you."

* * *

Two weeks later Derek had resigned from his position in Seattle to take the same position at Mount Sinai in New York City. He thought the change would be difficult but he was quickly able to settle into a routine. He didn't realize how much he missed life in New York until he was living it again. He loved working in the same hospital with his wife, he loved the fact that it meant they could see each other between patients. He loved being close to his mother, sister and nieces and nephews. He looked forward to the random dinners his mother would arrange on any given day of the week.

"Hey." He greeted his wife when he walked into the scrub room to see her at the sink. "Finishing or starting?" he asked. "Because I just finished and I gotta tell you, I'm starving and I've got a serious craving for a really good steak."

"I'm starting." Addison replied, reaching for a mask to cover her nose and mouth. "We could go out to dinner after my surgery if you're willing to wait."

Derek quickly dried his hands and tied the loose strings of his wife's mask. "I'll wait." He said while he watched as she removed her wedding ring and engagement ring and pinned them to her scrubs. He also watched as her eyes widened when she her right hand came to her left wrist.

"My watch…" she murmured. "Derek, my watch is not on my wrist." she sounded obviously panicked as she stuck her left arm out in front of Derek for him to see her bare wrist.

"It's in your locker. You always leave it in your locker during surgery."

"I didn't have time go to my locker. I was in the ER all morning and then I needed to nap so I went to the on-call room and I got paged here for this surgery. What if I left my watch in the on-call room, Derek? I don't remember taking it off but what if I did?"

"Relax, I'll go check then I'll go see the patient's family." He offered. "Which on-call room were you in and where did you put the watch?"

"I don't remember! I was exhausted. I am exhausted…."

"Okay, just calm down, I'll find it. You do this surgery then I'm going to clear your schedule and you are going to go home and rest. You were on-call all night and I know you didn't get two minutes to sit down, you need to rest."

"I need my watch, that's what I need!" Addison yelled in respond. "Oh my god…"

"Honey…" he started calmly when he noticed her breathing becoming more erratic.

"Shut up!" she snapped. "You let people beat you to the ground for your watch, you lost your memory for that watch. Your father died for his. And me, I lost mine! Is this what a panic attack feels like? I think I'm having a panic attack…" and that fact only freaked her out even more. She pulled the surgical mask away from her face to make it easier to breathe and took in a deep breath before covering her face with her hands.

Derek took her hands and pulled them away from her face. He pulled her down into a crouch and stayed in that position in front of her. "Slow deep breathes." He instructed her. "Try putting your head between your knees. I can go find a paper bag if you want."

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, the patient is draped and ready…" the scrub nurse started before realizing Derek and Addison were both crouched down in the scrub room."She's got a question for you and wants to know before we administer anesthesia. I know you're usually there before anesthesia to ease worries and answer last minute questions so I told her it was okay." She continued, pretending not to find anything strange about the situation.

Derek looked up and nodded, "We might need a little time. Stall as much as you can."

"Is everything okay?" the man asked curiously.

"It will be fine. Can you get me a paper bag please? I think Dr. Montgomery is having a panic attack."

"I don't want a paper bag, I want my watch." Addison managed to utter between shaky breathes.

"Get the bag." Derek ordered, gesturing for the scrub nurse to ignore Addison's statement. "And find another surgeon for this surgery."

"Derek…" Addison started.

"Don't even try fighting me on this. You are over worked and exhausted and in the middle of a pretty bad panic attack." He immediately responded. He snatched the small paper bag from the nurse's hand when he returned and held it out to Addison, "Breathe into it." He instructed, helping her up to lean against a wall. "Better?" he asked for a minute or so.

"Yes." She said, exhaling a heavy breath.

"Go lie down in your office and I'll go look for your watch. Call me if you need anything." He told her. "And when I say go lie down, I mean it, Addie. I don't mean go check on a few patients and find something to do in the ER, I mean go sleep. You need to rest. You're exhausted."

"Thank you for the professional diagnosis, Dr. Shepherd."

"You're welcome." He replied with a smirk. "Expect a bill in 1 to 2 weeks."

"Did you find it?" she asked hopefully when Derek stepped into her office.

"My instructions to you included sleep." He reminded her.

"Where is my watch, Derek?" she asked, ignoring his statement. She sat up on the couch and looked at him expectedly, just waiting for him to pull the platinum watch out of his pocket.

"I couldn't find it. I looked in every on-call room. I turned the place upside down."

"Look again. Let's go look together. Two is better than one."

"Honey, we'll get you a new watch, it's okay. I don't want you to worry. I want you to rest." He responded softly. "It'll turn up somewhere just like mine did. It will be in the last place with look."

Addison gave Derek a dumbfounded look. "Of course it will be in the last fucking place we look! Once we find it we won't have to look anymore."

"Good point." Derek muttered. "That's a stupid saying."

Addison leaned into the couch and let out a heavy sigh. "My watch is gone."

"It's okay. It's just a watch." Derek told her softly while soothingly rubbing circles on her back.

"That's a bit hypocritical coming from you." She reminded him.

"Addie, I have a proposal for you and it might make you feel better." He said to her. "What if we just forget the watches, okay? I'll stop wearing mine too. It will literally be a fresh start for us, nothing from the past. Maybe we can renew our vows soon and instead of getting new rings we can get new watches for both of us."

"You'd really do that? You'd stop wearing your watch for me?"

Derek nodded. "Or, if you're prefer, we can find something different this time around."

"Like what?" she wondered.

He shrugged his shoulder, "It doesn't really matter. I realized that it's not the watch that mattered; it was everything the watch stood for. So no matter what we choose, it will always be special because it represents us."

"I think we should stick to watches, I think we both need new ones to start over together."

* * *

One more chapter to go, everyone. I'm sorry this one took so long, I kept deleting and starting over. But the good news is that the next chapter has been witten and ready to go for over a month. Your reviews determine how quickly it will be posted. *insert a devious smile here.* If you guys seriously blow me away like you did with the first chapter then it may be posted in a couple days...but that's up to you. *insert another devious smile here.*


	12. Chapter 12

Derek and Addison stood in the honeymoon suite of the Waldorf-Astoria. Derek, clad in an Armani suit, with a timeless Rolex strapped to his left wrist and a new wedding to take place of the one he had lost, stood in front of his wife with his hands behind his back. And Addison stood in front of him in a fitted off-white dress with a platinum Chanel watch on her left wrist and her old wedding bands on her left hand ring finger, like him, she was also hiding something behind her back.

"You first." He insisted.

"But I want to see what you got me. I mean, you really didn't have to get me anything. I love the watch, I love that we did new watches instead of new rings; it was original and very symbolic of us. You put this whole evening together and it was perfect, you didn't have to buy me anything."

Derek gave in and revealed the signature, red leather Cartier box he was holding. He popped the box open to show her the watch inside. "I saw it and thought of you. It's perfect for you but you had Cartier last time so I wanted to get you something different, that's why I went with Chanel. But I couldn't help myself, I had to go back and get this one too."

Addison laughed, showing him what she was hiding behind her back. "I got you a second watch too."

Derek chuckled. "See, we really are two peas in a pod. I thought Sav and Weiss were crazy for saying that every chance they got but they were right."

Addison opened the unlabeled black box so he could see the watch inside and she instantly noticed the moisture in his eyes. "It's not your dad's watch." She told him quickly. "Mom says she promised it to Amelia. I went through old albums and found a few pictures of your dad wearing the watch and I went to a custom watch maker and had her design an exact replica. I took your mom with me every time I went so we could insure accuracy."

"Addison…" It was the only word Derek managed to get out before tears started making their way down his cheeks.

Addison bridged the gap between them and wiped his tears away from her thumb, she softly kissed his salty lips before asking "Are you okay?"

Derek nodded. "I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for this."

"You don't have to."

* * *

"I'm starving. I don't want to wait for Uncle Derek and Aunt Addie." Kathleen's ten year old daughter complained.

"I'm sure they got caught up at work, sweetheart. Just wait a little longer." Her father told her.

"They're always late to Monday night dinners." She told him, obviously annoyed.

"And Tuesday night dinners, and Wednesday night, And Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday…" Amelia piped in from her spot on the couch.

Kathleen's husbanded fixed her a glance. "You're not helping." He pointed.

"I'm just saying that the child has a point. They're always late because they always end up fighting over everything humanly possible, and I mean everything, or they're horney and consummating like rabbits."

"Amelia!" Nancy explained, gesturing to the young child in the room with her eyes. "Filter."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying anything that everyone in this room doesn't already know."

A few minutes later Derek walked in through the front door of Kathleen's house where their mother was living until she fully recovered from her surgery and illness. She wanted to go back to Connecticut but her child refused to even listen to her regarding that topic.

"Finally!" Ten year old Annie exclaimed as her aunt and uncle walked in.

"Screwing or fighting?" Amelia whispered to Addison when she stepped into the room to greet everyone.

"Amelia!" Nancy called out again. "Filter."

"Neither." Addison told her sister-in-law. "It was my fault. I wasn't feeling well. I ate lunch in the cafeteria today and I've been nauseous ever since."

"What did you eat?" Nancy asked her.

"Spaghetti and meatballs. Denise got the last Mac and Cheese, which was the other option. She always gets there five minutes before me and gets the last of the good option… And you know how much I like hospital Mac and Cheese."

"What kind of meatballs are we talking about here?"

"I don't want to know." Addison replied honestly. "I stopped after one bite, it looked and tasted it coal. What did Mom make? I'm starving."

"We don't know. She wouldn't let any of us in the kitchen." Kathleen told her. "She locked me out of my own kitchen."

"I'm hungry!" Annie informed her aunts and mother yet again, hoping they would take the hint to move to the dinner table where her father and uncles were already settled.

Addison stepped into the dining room with Derek's sister and stopped when she saw the table set family style with a large bowl of spaghetti and meatballs in the middle.

"Perfect." She murmured, suppressing the almost uncontrollable urge to gag as she sat beside her husband.

"Addison, I hope you plan on eating more than garlic bread with t he garlicy part scraped off." Carolyn told her half way through the dinner.

"She's not feel well, Mom. Bad lunch." Derek explained. "That's why we were late."

"Oh…" Carolyn responded, raising a brow as she observed Addison. "What's wrong?"

"It's just nausea, bad lunch at the cafeteria."

"Is that why you were late?"

"Kind of, on top of that a headache kicked in at the end of my shift and I've been really drained recently so I needed a nap when I got home. I slept through my hour long nap alarm and Derek didn't want to wake me up."

"Oh…" she repeated again.

The next morning Carolyn let herself into Derek and Addison's Brownstone after getting a call from her son to inform her that Addison had called in sick. He had told her to use the spare key and let herself into the house if she were to go over because Addison would likely not get out of bed to open the door. Carolyn went up the stairs, calling out her daughter-in-law's name to as she did. She walked into the master bedroom to see Addison curled up in bed with the TV on with the volume muted.

"Addison, you alright, honey?" Carolyn asked, placing her palm on Addison's forehead.

"I'm fine, it's probably food poisoning or something. It's just the nausea, I haven't had a fever or anything." Addison murmured.

"Are you sure that's it? You didn't eat dinner last night because of the nausea. If it's that bad than maybe you should consider a different diagnosis."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, you're the world renowned doctor. I'm just a lowly, retired navy nurse."

"You're not lowly." Addison moaned, covering her mouth as another wave of nausea came.

"Do you really need me to tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Last night you said you've been tiring easily. You complained of a headache and nausea…."

"Long shifts, stressful job." Addison reminded her mother in law. "And the nausea was because of the food."

"And how would you explain your fuller breasts?"

"What?"

"You heard me, they're fuller."

"They are not fuller. I got a few new bras with thicker padding."

Carolyn rolled her eyes. "Addison, no bra could do that. Either you had them done or something is going is on. And those are just the symptoms I know of. I'm sure there are more you're ignoring. Are you fuller breasts tender? Are you late? Any back pain? Frequent urination?"

Addison darted out of the bed and ran into the en suite bathroom and immediately retched into the toilet. Carolyn followed behind her to hold her hair back and rub her back to soothe her. Addison sighed heavily before flushing the toilet and looking up to meet her mother-in-law's eyes.

"You're pregnant, Addison." The woman told her surely. "There is no use in ignoring the symptoms and pretending this is not happening."

"Derek and I aren't ready for kids. We talked about it recently. Our marriage is not strong enough for a child yet. We still have problems. We agreed to wait until things are a little more stable."

"Every couple has problems." Carolyn reminded her. "You two will be great parents no matter what. I'm sure Derek will be thrilled. Confirm it, tell me then tell him."

"You want me to tell you before I tell my husband?"

"I noticed it before any of you I deserve to know first. Besides, I didn't survive a heart attack and open heart surgery for nothing. I always promised Derek that I'd be there to take care of his kids while you two were off at work, I intended to make good on that promise and I'm not getting any younger. I can only keep up with a child for so long, especially if that child is anything like what Derek was."

Addison couldn't help but give a small chuckle, "You'll be the first to know." She promised.

"If you are pregnant, well, not 'if' because I'm 99.9 percent sure you are, but um… are you happy? Is this something you want?"

Addison nodded. "Right now I'm a little shocked but once that goes away I'm sure I'll be thrilled. I've always wanted kids and I know that Derek has too. It was just never the right time and it's still not the right time."

"The right time never comes, something is always happening to put it off. Surprises are fun." Carolyn told her convincingly.

Addison nodded. "I guess a baby might make us try harder so we don't make the same mistakes as we did in the past. It'll be a bond between us that can't be broken, we'll always have that child in common if nothing else."

"Well, a child doesn't keep a marriage alive but it does give you a reason to fight a little harder to keep things stable." Carolyn replied, reaching out to place a hand on her arm. "You're going to be a great mom, Addie, don't worry. And Derek will be a great dad."

With thought in her head, Addison retrieve a box of home pregnancy tests from under the sink. She's bought a four pack during her brief stint with Mark and she used two of them to confirm she was not pregnant when she was a few days late. She took the two left over tests and anxiously paced back and forth as she waited. Images of the child began to float through her mind, a little boy that closely resembled her father but with her green eyes. She could see Derek teaching him how to play baseball and taking him to Yankee games. Or it would be a girl who would be her mini-me. She would hate sports from the very beginning despite Derek's best efforts. She would watch Addison apply make-up as often as she had the chance and she could spend hours in her mother's closet secretly playing with the 60, 000 dollar shoe collection.

When the timer on her phone buzzed, Addison looked down at the test and quickly went completely numb. She disposed the test in a way that Derek would never see it and got back into bed.

Derek went straight to the master bedroom as soon as he got home. He found Addison curled up in bed sleeping and leaned it to kiss her forehead. The sensation instantly woke her and she opened her eyes to find him staring at her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." She murmured. "It really is just food poisoning."

"I know, we agreed about that this morning before I left for work." Derek reminded her softly. "Hey, my mom said you need to talk to me about something. What is it? Everything okay?"

"She convinced me that I'm pregnant." Addison told him.

"Oh.."

"And I'm not." She quickly added so his imagination would torture him just as hers had.

"Did you want to be?" he asked.

"No, not originally. We're not exactly the picture of marital bliss. I don't want to bring a child into a marriage that might crumble in the near future. We agreed to wait until things got better. Then I realized that a child would change everything for us and likely for the better. And I had this imagine in my mind, a little boy who was just like you or a little girl who was just like me. I convinced myself…"

"Honey, I only suggested waiting because I though that's what you wanted. I didn't want to rush you. We can start trying if you feel ready. We can have a mini-me or a mini-you. It will change everything and it will be for the better."

"Yeah?" Addison asked hopefully.

Derek quickly stripped down to his boxers and a t-shirt to climb into bed with her and hold her tight. He kissed her cheek and murmured, "Absolutely. I've always wanted a baby with you, you know that."

"Yeah, when you had amnesia you said our kids would be so beautiful that staring at them for two long might burn one's retinas."

"I vaguely remember that. I don't remember much of what I did or said those first few days after the accident but I do vaguely remember that comment." He chuckled. "And I stand by what I said."

"Not that there is anything wrong with trying spontaneously but I'll start tracking my period so we can be extra attentive while I'm ovulating." She felt Derek nodded his head against her shoulder.

His arms wrapped around her waist and she pulled her back against his chest. They settled into a comfortable silence before Derek spoke. "Addie…" he spoke up.

"Mhmm?"

"We're never buying our kid a watch, okay?" Derek said.

Addison curiously looked at him with her brow raised. "I thought you love watches. I thought you would slap a watch on him or her the second he or she pops out. I figured you'd come up with insane names. Cartier Movado Shepherd or something insanely stupid like that…"

"I love my watch and I love yours and I love my dads and I respect the stories that come with the watches but a lot of pain came with them too. My dad died for his watch, I could have died for my watch, I was beaten unconscious over it. I don't want that pattern to go on, I don't want my kid to be hurt over a watch. This tradition ends with us, okay?"

Addison nodded. "It ends with us."

* * *

That's it, everyone. Hope you liked the story and thank you for reading.

Be sure to leave on last review for the last chapter. Thanks.


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